My Quest For Body Confidence [Belly Dancing Mini-Experiment!]
![Post image for My Quest For Body Confidence [Belly Dancing Mini-Experiment!]](http://www.thegreatfitnessexperiment.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/IMG_0310.jpg)
I never thought I’d say this but this is one Experiment that we definitely needed push-up bras for! Hard to “shimmy” when you’ve got a high-impact sports bra on! (Also: to the commenter who asked me several posts ago if I match my sports bra to my activity, here’s your answer!)
You know those women who you just can’t take your eyes off when they move? They may not be the most beautiful person in the room nor the most talented – although sometimes they’re all that too – but there’s just something about the way they inhabit their skin that is so magnetic. Yeah, that’s not me. I have spent most of my life being awkward to the point of pain and most of the time I have no idea where my limbs are in relation to the rest of me, as evidenced by my many varied bruises.
This innate awkwardness is bad enough in real life but it shows up on film even worse. Because I’m always waiting for it to betray me at the worst possible moment, I end up being very unconfident in my body. And I also think that this obvious lack of self confidence is a big reason why I ended up in an abusive relationship in college and was sexually assaulted. People who aren’t confident in themselves are more easily manipulated and controlled and looking back I can see that now with painful clarity. Needles to say I’ve spent a good portion of my life wishing that I were otherwise and so I’ve gleaned a few things about how to learn body confidence for those of us who weren’t born with it.
1. Fake it ’till you make it. Smiling even when I’m nervous is a big one. Research has shown that smiling, even for no apparent reason, can make you feel happier. And happy people radiate confidence. (Plus smiling makes you look younger and more trustworthy, useful for those times when you want to rob a Hello Kitty store.)
2. Posture is everything. Learning to tuck my chin back (but not so much that I have double chins) and up, rolling my shoulders back and down and tucking my pelvis so that my back is not arched makes a big difference in how confident I am. Standing with good posture makes me feel taller, prettier (that hip tuck does wonders for flattening your tummy!) and stronger.
3. Sexy is not in the eye of the beholder but in the mind of the behold-ee (yeah, that’s super catchy. Still working on it.) Not that everyone needs to or even wants to be sexy all the time but it took me a long time to realize that a lot of being seen as sexy is knowing that you are. Whether this is a catch-22 or a paradigm shift for me totally depends on the day.
4. Try new things. Sure you might suck! But you also never know what you’ll be good at!
It was with all this in mind that I asked (read: begged) my friend Lindsey to teach me how to belly dance. Over the years I’ve heard so many great things about how it’s a great female bonding experience, it’s fun, it’s a good workout and it can help you become more comfortable with your body and all it’s quirks. (Although now that I’ve typed that out I realize that I also just described shopping for prom dresses.) And today I finally got to live out this dream for a belly dancing mini-experiment. It did not disappoint.
Lindsey started out by telling us a little about the history of belly dancing. Apparently it is a form of dance that has been around since the 14th century and has been used both as old-fashioned stripping and as a way for women to bond with each other apart from the male gaze. Obviously we were focusing more on the latter definition. Then we moved on to the different moves at which point I discovered that I can’t body roll to save my life. Here’s Lindsey demo’ing what it should look like:
Isn’t she beautiful? Gym Buddies Megan and Daria picked it up quickly while I did a version that looked like a cross between The Robot and a cat coughing up a hairball. I’m working on it.
Then Lindsey taught us a little routine. Here it is! (Note: don’t expect much out of the rest of us as this was our first time even attempting belly dancing but Lindsey is sure fun to watch! Check out her head isolations. It’s “Walk like an Egyptian” but without the giant hair and hoop earrings.
Clearly the ululating at the end was our fave part! You know you want to try it now!
So how did it stack up? As a workout it was a lot of fun and provided some good cardio. The warm up had us all breathing hard and pulling off our sweatshirts (see, there’s the stripping element!). And holding my arms up that long really burned in my shoulders. It wasn’t super intense but then it’s not supposed to be. As a girl-bonding experience it was a freaking riot! We laughed so hard and I think we were all able to let go and dance in a less inhibited way than if we’d had men present or an audience. And did it give me more body confidence? I can see how it would, if I kept at it. Unfortunately one class isn’t enough to undo years of programming but I really enjoyed it and would jump at the chance to try it again.
Also, the jingly hip thingie is awesome and I want one so bad. It made me feel sexier just tying it on. I would wear that thing everywhere! (P.S. my white sport socks make this outfit.)
Have you ever tried belly dancing? How body confident are you? Do you have any tips for me on increasing body confidence?
Oily Goodness: Using Oils for Face and Body
Read full story on The Green Beauty Guide
Oils from plants and flowers have long been used in beauty treatments. The ancient Egyptians pressed olives and used the oil as an after-sun balm. The Queen of Sheba was said to have planted an almond plantation so she could extract the oil and use it for her skin. Cleansing oils are especially good for sensitive, dry skin that cannot tolerate foaming cleansers.
“Oils are the oldest natural skincare,” says Liz Earle, author of New Vital Oils (Random House, 2003) and founder of Liz Earle skincare. Unlike water-based products that soak into your skin, oil-based products stay on the surface longer and prevent existing water from escaping. That’s why it’s good to switch from water-based products to oil-based ones during winter time, suggests Natural Health Magazine (www.naturalhealthmag.com)
For silky smooth skin, apply oil after a bath or shower, when your skin is still damp, to lock in moisture. Best oils for your body include grapeseed, almond, peach or wheat germ, if you have dry skin.
Beauty oils for face and body usually have fewer preservatives than water-based products since water can be a breeding ground for bacteria. Best lightweight oils for the face include jojoba, argan, thistle and cucumber. Oil-based cleansers typically have fewer abrasives than water-based ones so the wash feels less irritating. And you can even skip a moisturizer after removing your makeup and daily grime with a cleansing oil.
Whether you use skincare products to cleanse, moisturize, remove makeup, or pour into a steaming bath, you’ll find beauty oil that works best for you.
Suggested product:
Organic Cleansing Oil with Cherry, Argan and Sea Buckthorn combines cherry, argan, and grapeseed oil to soften and moisten skin while cleansing with a natural emulsifier.
Festive Shimmer: Face and Body Shimmering Oil Recipe
Read full story on The Green Beauty Guide
A few days ago I have been experimenting with a few essential and base oils that I have in abundance in my office that also serves as a lab. This fragrant blend captivated my senses and I was in fact sniffing on my elbow (where I patch tested the blend to make sure it was non-irritating). Feel free to use the blend to revive dry, post-winter skin. It also seems to be excellent as sensual massage oil but in this case skip mineral shimmer.
For shimmering effects, I recommend combining one teaspoon golden shimmer, one teaspoon pink, and one teaspoon bronze (optional, for darker skin tones). You can buy mineral shimmers by teaspoons (they arrive in small paper sachets or sifter jars).
Ingredients
1 oz (30 g) sweet almond oil
1 oz (30 g) apricot kernel oil
1 oz (30 g) grape seed oil
2 drops clary sage essential oil
2 drops mandarin essential oil
2 drops chamomile essential oil
1 drop Ylang Ylang essential oil
1 drop lavender essential oil
2 teaspoons mineral shimmer
Method
Pour the pre-measured amounts of oils into a glass bottle and shake vigorously to blend. You may also add a pinch of mineral shimmer to infuse your skin with a healthy glow.
Application
Apply daily to give your skin a gorgeous glow.
Nature’s Minerals by The Body Shop Review
Read full story on The Green Beauty Guide
Itâ??s never a good idea to leave home without a lip gloss. Usually I end up buying the gaudiest albeit least toxic lip goo available in a local drugstore.
This day, I stepped into a heavily scented The Body Shop haven – and yes, I managed to find a lip balm without parabens (a rare treat!) but most interestingly, I was surprised to enjoy a mineral makeup range that’s free from all the toxic nasties that normally pollute The Body Shop shelves.
The Nature’s Minerals range by The Body Shop is in fact the purest, greenest line in the whole store. Free from preservatives, bismuth oxychloride, synthetic fragrance, or other ugly ingredients, the line is made up of long-lasting foundations and cheek colors.
The shades are unfortunately too matte, and for a reason: they contain kaolin which is really good for acne-prone skin and is far less sensitizing than bismuth oxychloride. Titanium dioxide and zinc oxide play the major role, along with some mica for shimmer. Kaolin still contains aluminum but in an inert form, kept inactive by the salts.
The only drawback in the lovely mineral range by The Body Shop is the color selection. Foundations are all a bit too deep and yellowish for Brit skin tones, and cheek colors are too rusty and intense to apply them safely.
I would probably go for a shimmery light peach or golden pink (think NARS Orgasm in minerals, of course, not the real “orgasm” filled with FD&C colors and parabens) but the lightest shade in mineral cheek colors, Pink Quartz, left my cheek bright pink in a merciless, 1980s style.
Women with deeper skin tones, however, will find this line godsend. And the prices are very reasonable!
What I really see myself digging in to is The Body Shop’s mineral eye colors. Rich in clay that, according to the website, |Itâ??s never a good idea to leave home without a lip gloss. Usually I end up buying the gaudiest albeit least toxic lip goo available in a local drugstore.
This day, I stepped into a heavily scented The Body Shop haven – and yes, I managed to find a lip balm without parabens (thatâ??s a rare treat) but most interestingly, I was surprised to find a mineral makeup range that’s free from all the toxic nasties that normally pollute The Body Shop shelves.
The Nature’s Minerals range by The Body Shop is in fact the purest, greenest line in the whole store. Free from preservatives, bismuth oxychloride, fragrance, or other ugly ingredients, the line is made up of long-lasting foundations and cheek colors.
The shades are unfortunately too matte, and for a reason: they contain kaolin which is really good for acne-prone skin and is far less sensitizing than bismuth oxychloride. Titanium dioxide and zinc oxide play the major role, along with some mica for shimmer.
The only drawback in the lovely mineral range by The Body Shop is the color selection. Foundations are all a bit too deep and yellowish for Brit skin tones, and cheek colors are too rusty and intense to apply them safely.
I would probably go for a shimmery light peach or golden pink (think NARS Orgasm in minerals)but the lightest shade in mineral cheek colors, Pink Quartz, left my cheek bright pink in a merciless, 1980s style.
Women with deeper skin tones, however, will find this line godsend. And the prices are very reasonable!
What I really see myself digging in to is The Body Shopâ??s mineral eye colors. Rich in clay that, according to the website, @Itâ??s never a good idea to leave home without a lip gloss. Usually I end up buying the gaudiest albeit least toxic lip goo available in a local drugstore.
This day, I stepped into a heavily scented The Body Shop haven – and yes, I managed to find a lip balm without parabens (thatâ??s a rare treat) but most interestingly, I was surprised to find a mineral makeup range thatâ??s free from all the toxic nasties that normally pollute The Body Shop shelves.
The Nature’s Minerals range by The Body Shop is in fact the purest, greenest line in the whole store. Free from preservatives, bismuth oxychloride, fragrance, or other ugly ingredients, the line is made up of long-lasting foundations and cheek colors.
The shades are unfortunately too matte, and for a reason: they contain kaolin which is really good for acne-prone skin and is far less sensitizing than bismuth oxychloride. Titanium dioxide and zinc oxide play the major role, along with some mica for shimmer.
The only drawback in the lovely mineral range by The Body Shop is the color selection. Foundations are all a bit too deep and yellowish for Brit skin tones, and cheek colors are too rusty and intense to apply them safely.
I would probably go for a shimmery light peach or golden pink (think NARS Orgasm in minerals)but the lightest shade in mineral cheek colors, Pink Quartz, left my cheek bright pink in a merciless, 1980s style.
Women with deeper skin tones, however, will find this line godsend. And the prices are very reasonable!
What I really see myself digging in to is The Body Shopâ??s mineral eye colors. Rich in clay that, according to the website, “Mediterranean clay is an absorbent mineral that helps bind make-up to skin for long-lasting coverage,” the loose eye shadows look like serious players and may be even prone to creasing and smudging. I am planning to get some Grey Graphite to play with disco look, and pale Pink Opal to add to my liquid foundation for some playful shimmery glow.
Good job, The Body Shop!
Mediterranean clay is an absorbent mineral that helps bind make-up to skin for long-lasting coverage,â? the loose eye shadows look like serious players and may be even prone to creasing and smudging. I am planning to get some Grey Graphite to play with this yearâ??s disco look, and pale Pink Opal to add to my liquid foundation for some playful shimmery glow.
Good job, The Body Shop. Itâ??s about time you offered us, green beauty junkies, something to muse about.
Mediterranean clay is an absorbent mineral that helps bind make-up to skin for long-lasting coverage,â? the loose eye shadows look like serious players and may be even prone to creasing and smudging. I am planning to get some Grey Graphite to play with this yearâ??s disco look, and pale Pink Opal to add to my liquid foundation for some playful shimmery glow.
Good job, The Body Shop. Itâ??s about time you offered us, green beauty junkies, something to muse about.
Getting Your Body Back After Pregnancy: What not to do
See – she’s fine now! Check out that core strength!! Compare Jelly Bean’s fab plank to this woman’s – this has got to be the worst “fitness” photo I’ve ever seen! (And no comment about the two binkies. We’re working on it!)
“Huh, we never really figured out what happened with that blip,” the doctor said lightly as she traced her finger over Jelly Bean’s growth chart at her recent 2-year checkup. She didn’t even notice my uncomfortable fidgeting as she continued, “Ah well, no matter. She’s all caught up now.” By the time we got Jelly Bean’s shots – little sweetie was such a trouper, didn’t make a peep – and got out to the car I was so overcome I had to call my sister to talk me down before I could drive home. Attack of the mother guilt! Hello, darkness my old friend…
That “blip” where Jelly Bean dropped from the chunky-monkey 86th percentile in which she was born down to the 20th percentile where she stayed for 9 months? My fault. Probably. I say this because after her well-baby checkup at 10 months where the doctor was very concerned that she’d lost half a pound between months 9 and 10, I finally gave up breast-feeding her and switched to formula. She bounced back up to the 80th percentile within two months. I wasn’t trying to starve my poor sweetheart but if you recall I had a hard time breastfeeding her. She had a milk protein intolerance and I was a vegetarian at the time so I ended up basically being a vegan. I’m not saying that vegans can’t make great breast milk but for me, combined with going back to heavy exercise a wee bit too early, it didn’t work. Plus you know I was really worried about losing the rest of my baby weight as fast as possible. Gym Buddy Krista, a doula, made me feel a little better when she told me that the growth charts are designed for fast-gaining formula-fed babies and not for exclusively breastfed infants.
Anyhow, I’m not trying to make excuses – I admitted then that the worst resurgences of my eating disorder (and also my anxiety disorder) happen after I have a baby, thank you hormone hell – but rather trying to explain my state of mind when Gym Buddy Daria, who six weeks ago gave birth to the cutest little boy ever, asked me to write a post about how to get your body back after pregnancy. I think she was a little startled when I immediately yelled “Don’t do what I did!”
Sadly I can’t write the post that she asked for. But I can write the post about what not to do to get your body back after having a baby.
Don’t jump back into exercise too soon. Sure you know this already but for those of us that really like our exercise – and especially those of us who rely on it to keep us mentally sane – the temptation is very real. I was back in the gym walking the track with Jelly Bean in a carrier when she was a week old. I was back to kickboxing by four weeks and full workouts by six weeks. If you remember, my first Great Fitness Experiment after Jelly Bean was born was P90X in January. She was born in November. Not smart. If I had it to do over again I would start with something more gentle like walking and yoga and work up to more hardcore workouts over time. You can work out every day if it feels good but don’t push it past the feeling good stage.
Don’t do ab exercises until your stomach is totally healed. Part of P90X is a workout called “The Ab Ripper.” It’s a great core strengthener but unfortunately I still had my diastasis (the separation between the ab muscles that many women get during pregnancy) and so it literally ripped my abs apart. The problem showed up in my left hip flexor which had taken over for my ineffective abs. Eventually it became so painful that I couldn’t lift my leg to put it into my pants without using my hands. I thought that the pain would go away eventually on its own but it didn’t. Instead I ended up needing to quit all ab exercises for about 6 months until it healed. Thankfully I discovered the Tupler technique – a series of rehab exercises designed to heal a diastasis – which also helped a lot.
Don’t underestimate the effects of exhaustion. Everyone knows new babies don’t sleep much. Even the ones who are great sleepers still wake up before you do. (And that nonsense about “sleep when your baby sleeps” a) only works for your first kid and b) doesn’t really work at all unless you are a narcoleptic who can sleep on command. “And… drop!”) If you have the choice between exercise and sleep, choose sleep. Especially in those first few months.
Don’t have an all-or-nothing attitude. I am admittedly one of those people who fears that if I miss a single workout then it will become a habit and I’ll never make it back to the gym. This isn’t true. (And it also has the unfortunate corollary of making some people quit working out entirely because they think if they can’t workout every day then what’s the point?) Thankfully I’ve gotten much, much better about this over the past year.
Don’t cut calories. Unless you are under a doctor-ordered diet plan then just eat to your hunger. Some women lose weight effortlessly while breastfeeding. My body naturally likes to carry an extra 10 pounds as butterball backup when I’m nursing. Trying to lose those last 10 pounds before I wean is an exercise in futility, frustration and – most heartbreaking – growth chart blips.
Don’t compare yourself to other moms. Yes Dara Torres, Paula Radcliffe and some other moms like the woman who ran the Chicago marathon and then gave birth hours later will be able to pull off superhuman athletic feats with the umbilical cord still dangling between your legs. But they are not you. (They’re not me either.) If you can easily jump back into your old routines then that is wonderful but if you can’t – and for the record, most of us can’t – don’t feel bad.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. …says the girl who is right now being really hard on herself. Seriously though, if it’s one thing I’ve learned from having 5 kids it’s that there will always be something to feel guilty about. Whether it’s using jelly beans as a self-bribe to get up 10 times at night with the baby (true story: that and late-night infomercials was how I survived #3′s infancy) or buying new sweat pants so you can go another day without doing laundry, try and remember how short this time really is. “This too shall pass” is a gift, not a threat.
What to do
And since I didn’t do everything wrong – not even I’m that perfect! – here are a few tips of things that worked for me:
- Wear a belly wrap. Jelly Bean (my fifth) was the first kid that I used a wrap after their birth and I swear it really helped my organs realign (oh yes they move to weird places during pregnancy!), supported my back and, yes, helped my tummy get flat quicker.
- Find a great support system. I was so incredibly blessed to not only have 3 Gym Buddies (Megan, Allison and Daria) who had babies within just a few months of Jelly Bean but to also have my sister have a baby then. Having these other new moms around me was often the difference between sanity and the crisis line some days.
- Focus on quality of workouts, not quantity. This is not the time to get stuck in the endless cardio loop. If you have 15 minutes do a short-but-intense (and I mean “intense” for someone who has just had a baby, not your usual level of intensity) circuit that combines some strength and some cardio. You don’t even need to worry about weights if you don’t want to as your body weight alone will provide plenty of resistance. Repeat after me: more is not more.
Your advice
What would you guys tell Daria? Did you check out that worst fitness photo I linked to up top (sorry couldn’t embed it as it’s copyrighted) – what is that chick doing?!
6 Easy Tips to Lose Body Fat During the Holidays
 |
| Taken 12-1-2011 |
As we all know, the Holiday season is probably the most difficult to keep body fat off, but where there is a will, there is a way! Here are 6 quick and easy tips to lose body fat this holiday season. By the way, these easy tips can be used year round, but there are factors that come up during the holiday season, that make these tips a bit more poignant.
Tip #1
Stay hydrated! The colder whether tends to hide the sensation and or symptoms of dehydration. Remember that staying properly hydrated helps to keep your body functioning properly, that includes your metabolic processes that help to burn body fat for energy.
Tip # 2
Chew gum while cooking. Cooking big family meals for the holidays is a tradition for most, but with that comes snacking and picking at the food while it’s being prepared. Chewing gum will keep you from picking at the food, and will keep those extra mystery calories and body fat off of you.
Tip # 3
Drink coffee with your meals. This is one of my super tips! It’s easier to do when the weather turns cold. It works great to keep you from overeating!
Tip #4
Don’t postpone workouts! Weather conditions, holiday shopping, and family visits can get in the way of your workouts. But, remember that fat burning, metabolic boosting workouts, don’t need to be very long. My workouts last 30-35 minutes on average, yet they produce better results than low intensity 1-2 hour traditional cardio workouts.
If you’re doing my 12 day Fat X Program, and can’t do a specific workout because of logistical reasons, fit in one or more of the workouts from the free Fat Burning Workout Bonus Series, until you can get back to the FX 12.
Tip #5
Eat before shopping! Don’t get caught up at the mall or shopping center hungry. Temptation to eat junk food will be all around, and in essence, you’re putting yourself in a position to fail. By fail, I mean, eating and adding junk calories to your diet. Remember that it’s easier to keep those calories and body fat off, then it is to burn those calories and lose the body fat once it’s on.
Tip # 6
Follow the Fat X Diet principles! Even at big family dinners, you can still set up your plate the Fat X way. Meaning stack your plate with nutritious foods first.
These 6 tips are pretty easy to follow, if you want to kick up your body’s fat burning ability, implement all of them and watch your body fat level drop, even through the tough to stay fit holiday season.
If you have any questions about the Fat X Program, diet, exercise, and or setting up your workouts, feel free to email me, or post those questions on the Fat X 101 Facebook page. Good luck on your fat burning, weight loss (fat loss) and fitness journey!
Does Your Body Have a Set Point For Exercise? [Duelling Research]
Just when you thought it was safe to retrieve the forks and knives you hid during the “Are white potatoes a nutritious natural food or glycemic index hell tuber?” debate, scientists have given us another research study that brings up more questions than it answers. And this time it’s about your “activitystat”, questioning whether or not humans have an internal set point for activity like it’s commonly thought we do for weight.
Dr. Terence J. Wilkin, a professor of endocrinology at the Peninsula Medical School in Plymouth, England, designed a study to test this out by going to the source of all (hyper)activity in the universe: children. After outfitting the 70 kidlets with accelerometers to measure their activity over the course of four weeks he set them free to run amok as they wished (no word on if ear-tagging was used). The kids were broken down into three groups based on which school they go to – in a sad commentary on the perils of poverty, the private-schoolers had 9.2 hours of P.E. per week, the village-schoolers had 2.2 and the urban-schoolers only got 1.6. The idea was to see how activity levels during the school day affected activity levels outside of school.
The results may surprise you: “When [Dr. Wilkin] collated the data, the weekly activity levels of the students from all three schools were remarkably similar. Students who exercised more at school were less active afterward. In a study published this month in The International Journal of Obesity, Dr. Wilkin and his co-authors conclude that, at least in these 8- to 10-year-olds, ‘activity at one time is met with less activity at another.’” These findings aligned with a similar study performed on adult women in which half of the subjects spontaneously reduced their incidental activity in response to an increase in their workouts. This, of course, has all kinds of ramifications for fitness guidelines.
At first glance these results made intuitive sense to me. Anyone who’s run 20 miles and then come home and begged off going dancing with the girls later that night so they can crash at 8 p.m. in a puddle of their own drool will know what I’m talking about. But the more I thought about this the more it bothered me because while this may be the case for me in isolated incidents when I do something particularly strenuous, it isn’t true for me overall. And because we all know that me and my anecdotal evidence are the most important factor in all scientific research, I have to question Dr. Wilkin and his band of not-so-feisty fifth-graders.
This may shock you: there was a time in my life where I not only did not exercise but I actively avoided it. Really I’m pretty new to this whole fitness scene as I only jumped in – with both feet until I was in over my head and drowning because that’s how I like to do everything – 7 years ago after the birth of my second son. (You can read my how I found fitness story here if you’re curious.) To make a very long story short, I went from being winded carrying the laundry up the stairs to, well, doing what I do now. And over that 7-year span, while I don’t have the accelerometer data to prove it, I greatly increased my activity levels overall. First was because I had to: kids are relentless, if they think you are even considering resting they will immediately get diarrhea or shove a sock down the toilet. Second, though, was because I had so much more energy that I chose to do more.
There is research to support this side as well. Two different twin studies concluded, “While the children’s fidgetiness and enjoyment of activity were dependent on heredity, their actual levels of movement were almost wholly determined by their environment, and in particular by the actions and attitudes of their teachers and parents.” In addition there is the opposite question of what happens to people if you force them to be more sedentary than usual and the research has shown that they usually do not resume their former levels of activity.
My theory, based on minutes of extensive Internet reading and pondering in the bathroom, is that they’re both right. I think that perhaps our bodies do have a set level of activity that makes us feel good and that we gravitate to. But I think that our environment at large can reset our “activitystat” to lower or higher based on what we do. Or maybe not.
What’s your experience – do you have a general level of activity that you gravitate towards? Or do you think that our activity levels are primarily a function of our environment? And just out of curiousity: white potatoes – eat ‘em or avoid ‘em?? (Please don’t throw a fork at me.)
Irishman Kicks Rihanna Out of His Field & Reignites the Sexy-Jealousy Debate [When your body is your body of work]
On Monday a farmer in northern Ireland, upon meeting the international pop star Rihanna, did what I imagine very few red-blooded men would: he publicly admitted to not knowing who Rihanna is. Okay, that’s true, but my great uncles would probably all say the same. No, his real shocker was kicking Rihanna out of his grain field where she was filming a music video. Her crime? Looking too sexy. Alderman Alan Graham explained that when he saw the singer strip down to a red bikini top and jeans he “felt things were getting inappropriate.” He added, “I had my conversation with Rihanna and I hope she understands where I’m coming from. We shook hands.” And the hand shake makes three things most men would never do if they met Rihanna.
This issue of beautiful women showing their bits to make money has been covered more times than “Let it Be” so why did this story spark such an interest for me? Because of the way people are reacting to Graham’s reasoning. He could have said that he kicked her out of his field for trampling his crops, being a distraction or even for not paying him but instead he told the truth: he was uncomfortable with her style of (un)dress and considered it inappropriate. He didn’t tell her to cover up. He didn’t call her a slut. He didn’t tell her she was going to hell. He didn’t say anything except how he felt. And how he felt was uncomfortable. Whether or not I agree with his assessment – and for the record I didn’t find Rihanna’s outfit in this case to be particularly shocking, especially given the standard for women in music videos; I was more appalled that she was smoking - I think he was very brave to share it.
It is not p.c. these days to tell a woman that her sexiness makes you uncomfortable. Allegations of sex-shaming, burqa-inflicting and even insanity fly (because a man would have to be insane to turn down a free glimpse of cleavage, right?). But my favorite of all these accusations is jealousy and it’s usually the one targeted at other women.
A few years ago I wrote a post questioning a popular fitness figure’s in-your-face sex appeal as her primary marketing technique. To sum it up, I felt like her body and her skill set were already so amazing that she didn’t need to fall back on close-ups of her huge boobs and videos of her barely-clad butt to sell her expertise. To this day I love her and I love her site – girl kicks my much-more-clad butt regularly with her killer workouts – and yet I never watch her videos and when I’m on her site, I scroll down until the pictures of her aren’t showing anymore. Because the oversexualized outfits and poses make me uncomfortable.
People don’t believe this answer. Every week or so someone drops by that very old post to leave me a comment saying some iteration of “Stop being such a hater! You’re just jealous! If you had her body you’d flaunt it too! Women are allowed to be sexy!” I hate the “you’re just jealous” argument because it stops all further discussion with a character assassination. There isn’t any point in discussing social mores or sexual politics or how women are treated in our society when you write off all opinion as jealousy. And also, it just isn’t true.
1. I don’t hate her or any woman that uses sex to sell. I quite love her & Rihanna actually. They are amazing, talented women.
2. I’m not jealous. Sure I wish I had abs of steel but I feel more admiration for all the hard work I know went into building those abs than sour grapes that I’m not as hot as her (a fact I willingly admit).
3. And I wouldn’t flaunt it even if I had it. First, it’s against my religion. My LDS faith has guidelines about what needs to be covered, and I adhere to them. Nobody makes me do it, it’s something I’ve chosen to do. I don’t feel stifled or repressed, rather I feel more comfortable and more like myself. Second I think it is a disservice to all women to use sex as our primary source of power. It reduces us to a single aspect of our being and marginalizes all our other talents.
4. Women are allowed to be sexy. But since when does a woman having the right to express her sexuality mean that all women have to do so at all times or else they’re just jealous and/or ugly? I find this mentality particularly prevalent in the fitness industry. It’s like there’s this pressure on women (and somewhat on men as well) that they need to prove how fit and healthy they are by showing all the goods, as if real health can be ascertained by a quick scan of glutes or pecs. And the issue isn’t a girl who runs in a sports bra and shorts because that’s how she’s most comfortable on a hot day. The problem is when a girl feels like to be taken seriously as fitness professional she has to wear a push-up bra (or get implants) and wear cheeky shorts even though they may make it harder for her to workout. The problem is when your body becomes your resume. I suppose it’s inevitable that a profession built around bodies would also show a lot of them – but I would argue that the context matters. You can show a great physique without making her bend over a chair and do that weird trick where you use your arms to squish your boobs together and make more cleavage.
In the end, I’m not judging anyone or denying them their right to do as they please. I’m not even telling them to cover up. Like Graham, all I’m saying is how I feel. And for a variety of reasons this constant message of a woman must be sexy before anything else makes me uncomfortable. Call me a prude. Call me a Bible-thumper (yes Mormons believe in the Bible). Call me an old-wave feminist. But don’t call me jealous.
I don’t expect everyone to agree with me on this – and I’m totally fine with that – but I am interested in taking the discussion further than name calling. What do you think about female sexiness and the fitness industry? What do you think about the Irishman and Rihanna?
OMGsh! Jennifer Hudson is a Size… Who Cares? [Societal Body Dysmorphia]
“…for not such good results – drag behind car through puddles and blow dry on roof rack.” Now there’s a truthful clothing tag!
Jennifer Hudson, singer and American Idol alumnus, made headlines all over the world this week. Not for her legendary set of pipes and not even for her tragic family history but for her dress size. J.Hud has become a household name by schilling for Weight Watchers and dropping a bunch of weight. So much weight in fact that the Internet got its collective panties in a twist when Joy Behar announced that Jennifer was a size superduperextratiny. Half the pearl-clutchers gasped, “She’s gone too far! She’s too skinny! We’re so worried about her!” while the others lit up comment sections debating about whether or not she looks small enough to actually be that size.
So in other news you’ve heard there’s rioting in England, right? And you’ve seen the heart-breaking, inspiring and terrifying pictures? Wait, you haven’t? Because speculation about the number on Jennifer Hudson’s dress tag ended up ranked higher than this apocalyptic insanity on most of the major news sites?? Travesty.
“What size are you?” may be the most loaded question you can ask a woman, right after “Is it that time of the month again?” This is because clothing sizes are the nuclear option in body comparing, something we all do even though we wish we didn’t. The last time a friend asked me that I replied honestly, “I have no idea. It depends on the brand.” Call in size inflation, vanity sizing or the reason your old college roommate still wears her “same” size but thanks to the randomness of modern sizing I probably have 10 different sizes of clothing in my closet that all fit. And that’s not even considering my large (oy!) collection of vintage dresses that are sized on an entirely different scale. (Hint to vintage-loving girls: Most dresses from the 40′s and 50′s were sized with the intent that the woman would be wearing a corset underneath – so take heart – it’s not you, it’s the dress.)
Considering what a crap shoot sizing is you’d think we’d be able to chuck it out the window with all the other numbers that try and fail to describe us. And yet we can’t let it go. I get it. To this day, the #1 most read post on this site was an eating disordered confession I wrote about being obsessed with Audrey Hepburn’s measurements. I wrote it and I understand the dark place where that type of thinking comes from which is why I try so hard these days to combat it.
But if we can’t trust the number on our pants to tell us what we look like on the outside, then what do we use? A recent survey “found that 95% of non-eating disordered women overestimate the size of their hips by 16% and their waists by 25%, yet the same women were able to correctly estimate the width of a box.” In addition “Two out of five women and one out of five men would trade three to five years of their life to achieve their weight goals.” Clearly this issue is about more than how many inches around our waists are.
These stats come from a new website called My Body Gallery that aims to show what “real women” look like by having ladies upload (clothed, headless) pics of themselves and their body measurements. At first I thought it was a terrible idea – what’s more disordered than looking at a bunch of other girls your same height and weight in order to compare yourself? – but then I spent a while clicking around the site and I had two revelations. 1) I look pretty darn good. And not because other girls look bad but because looking at all these other women made me realize how many different shapes, sizes and colors beauty comes in. 2) I don’t have an accurate idea of what size I am or what I look like. Maybe I have a touch of body dysmorphia. Maybe we all do from being bombarded with literally unreal images of “perfect” female bodies. But I found this to be a very illuminating and positive experience. I left the site not wanting to lose weight but rather feeling better about who I am.
Sometimes I think we forget that the end goal of all this health and fitness stuff is to develop a whole person, not just a body. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to get back to listening to the BBC and praying that everyone over there is safe tonight.
Does it affect you to know what size a certain celebrity is? What do you think of My Body Gallery and similar sites? Does vanity sizing make you feel better or does it just make you mad?
3 Easy Tips to Lose Fat and Get a Summer Body
If you’re doing the Fat X Program and utilizing the Fat X Diet philosophy you’re well on your way to a great Summer body. Adding these 3 easy tips will speed up results and help you lose fat faster. While these tips are really easy and simple to implement, don’t dismiss the power of them. Like the Fat X Workouts, and the Fat X Diet, use these tips consistently for best results.
Tip number one for a great Summer body: Keep a water bottle next to your bed, and hydrate as the first thing you do when you wake up. Dehydration can set in over night and cripple your metabolic processes which will slow down your fat loss and fitness progress.
Tip number two for a great Summer body: End your day with a diet meal high in protein and low in carbohydrates (carbs). Your body will deplete it’s glycogen stores. This will allow your body to begin breaking down fat for energy over night and as you sleep.
Tip number three for a great Summer body: Start your day with a diet meal high in protein and low in carbohydrates (carbs). Your body’s glycogen stores will be depleted and your body will continue to use fat and break down body fat for energy.
Good luck to you on achieving your best Summer body ever! Join me on the Fat X 101 Facebook for more tips. If you’re in the Pasadena area, contact me for private fitness coaching or to join my FX Boot Camp.
