Eating is Now A Spectator Sport: How do you play?
A waitress friend of mine recently snapped a pic of an overweight patron’s meal. Why? So she could text it to several of her friends. Sure her customer’s meal was appalling – One of every appetizer? Yes, please – but even more so was the realization that now, more than ever, eating is a spectator sport. People feel they not only have a right to see what other people are eating but also to pass judgment on it. Even though we don’t.
I blame the media for this. Or at least for beginning the trend with shows like the Biggest Loser that have cameras recording participants’ every bite and advertising that relies on monitoring a person’s food intake to sell their product a la Jared the Subway Guy. We won’t even talk about the media hoopla surrounding Marie Osmond, Kirstie Alley, and the grand dame of weight loss struggles, Oprah. Jessica Alba can’t take a bite of food without a telephoto lens documenting it.
I know all this because every weight blip is broadcast to an eager audience, one I am apparently a part of despite the fact that I have never seen even one episode of The Biggest Loser (culturally irrelevant, that’s me!) and the last time I ate in a Subway was Homecoming dance my junior year of high school when I got food poisoning from old ham and spent the rest of the night upchucking in the E.R. Remember when Jared TSG showed up looking a bit meatier and immediately the Examiner exclaimed, “We’re sure Jared will lose the extra weight in no time. After all, his career as a Subway spokesperson depends on it.” highlighting the fact that we have entered the era where losing weight is an official career choice. And a lucrative one.
But if eating has become a sport, not eating (i.e. dieting or “making lifestyle changes”) has become the national pastime. Instead of Ladies Who Lunch, we have ladies who pick at their lunches and talk about how they really should have ordered the salad. I’ve often wondered if my inability to have a conversation with a new acquaintance without talk turning to weight loss, exercise or food stems from what I do for a living or because everyone just talks about it that much. Both?
The weird twist, however, is that while we feel (too?) comfortable commenting on a stranger’s weight whether it be on TV or texting their menu choices to friends, many of us don’t dare broach the subject with our friends. Perhaps we are afraid of offending people or losing a friendship but my personal theory is that people are already keenly aware of what they weigh and whether or not that is healthy for them and therefore do not need me to tell them about it.
And yet.
The other day I came home from the gym and noticed during my post-shower grooming ritual that mostly involves random tweezing and lotioning my brillo-bad kneecaps (they have actually ran my nylons – back in the days when I wore nylons. Which I don’t now, but I digress.) a realllly long, dark hair on my jawline. It was so bad I should have been getting better radio reception everywhere I went. It was clearly visible and so embarrassing. My first thought was: why didn’t the Gym Buddies tell me I was rocking a chin-stache??
My chin hair gave me an A-Ha moment (paging Oprah!): I wish my weight weren’t an issue at all – that nobody would notice it one way or the other – but since that is not the case (not for me, not for anyone) I would rather my friends talk to me about it than a stranger.
Which would you prefer – strangers commenting on your weight or a good friend? (Sadly, “nobody” is not an option.) Do you feel comfortable commenting on a strangers weight? Would you talk to a friend about hers or his? Is anyone else’s worst nightmare having a waitress text pics of your cheat meal to all her friends???
Eating Clean with Children
Question of the day: What are some really good starting out eating clean recipes for toddlers and family of 4?
Clean Eating is not as daunting or difficult as it may seem. In fact, once you start living this life style and slowly changing your eating, clean eating helps to simplify your meal time! 
Now remember – clean eating has many definitions depending on who you ask. To me it simply means: To eat from the Earth. But can it really be that simple while still pleasing a family of 4?
Yes. But transition slowly. Introduce new foods at every meal, and help your family become educated about their food choices. By showing them hard facts about the ever so “popular” foods they are used to consuming they will start to appreciate the simplistic foods we all often forget about. Like carrots, beets, baby spinach and beans.
When a person wants to start eating clean, the first piece of advice I give them is to make sure you have enough information. Read and research until you are blue in the face! This will help anyone understand that Eating Clean is not a diet. It’s a lifestyle change. It’s not about deprivation, counting calories or having cheat days. Clean Eating changes the way you look at food, and helps you to understand that healthy, wholesome food is as much of a necessity in our life as the air we breath and the water we drink. 
You can read my entire Clean Eating Philosophy here.
I love Tosca Reno’s books. They are much more than cookbooks; they are a guide to help this journey be painless and enjoyable! She describes the foods we should be eating and the poisons we need to be eliminating. You will be surprised at how easy the recipes are, how delicious they can taste and how simple this way of life is.
Kids can be the worst critiques, though. Believe me, I know first hand! A few simple moves can warm your children to the idea of no more fast food and (gasp) more veggies!
- Get them involved. Help them create the grocery list or give them a few items of their own to shop for. Children love to help! and the more they are involved the better they will be willing to accept something new.
- Inspire the “little chef” inside of them. Look through cook books, have your child pick a recipe, then get cooking! You will be surprised at what your child really does or doesn’t like as far as food. When they make choices and decisions that shows them you have trust in them, and they will feel proud that they were able to help feed the entire family.
I hope these small suggestions help your new journey to eat healthier! I wish you the best of luck and years full of good eats!
The Part of Intuitive Eating I Most Struggle With [Advice, please?]
Betrayed by My Body: The overly dramatic saga continues! First I sneeze upside down and blow chunks (thank you to all of you who suggested using my neti pot to help get the stomach bile out of my sinuses – it is a fab idea and I’ll save it for next time although I sincerely hope there will be no next time), then I get another corneal abrasion from wearing my contacts too much forcing me to wear my nerd glasses and now I get attacked by own stiletto! (You should have seen Jelly Bean’s face) I mentioned before in my State of the Eating Disorder Address that while I’m doing really pretty awesome that I still struggle with some of the disordered thoughts.
Recently a blog friend e-mailed me about how to start her own journey with Intuitive Eating and as I was writing my response, I found myself repeatedly getting stuck on one thought: I am not happy with my happy weight. Before anyone worries that I’m falling off the IE wagon, this is just a recurring (and depressing) thought that I have. I’m not dieting nor doing anything else to try and lose weight. I know the problem is in my head, not my body. What I’m looking for is help accepting the shape and weight that my body has decided it likes best.
One of the very first things Geneen Roth tells you about Intuitive Eating is that your body is going to pick the weight that it feels healthiest and happiest at, not your mind. She warns from the beginning that part of IE is learning to accept that and that continually striving to be unnaturally thin (for you) will not only be an exercise in frustration but impossible with IE. As I’ve gone through this process I’ve kind of tried not to think about this part – hoping, I guess, that either my body would suddenly decide to do what I want it to or else that my mind would come around and agree with my body. So far neither has happened.
On one hand, when I reported that after 1 year of eating intuitively my weight was within 1 pound of what it was when I started, I felt like that was a coup. No measuring, tracking or being overly anal about what I ate (wow that’s an unpleasant image) and I maintained my weight! On the other hand, one year later I was still at the same weight. I wasn’t surprised as my clothes all fit the same and yet there was a twinge of disappointment. I exercise! I eat healthy! Shouldn’t that give me carte blanche to make my body into any shape I want it? No? That’s not how it works??
Of course that’s not how it works. So here’s where I need help. I’m about ten pounds over my “ideal” weight and I’m not going to try and change that. My body is healthy, I’m happy and relatively sane and I get to eat salted caramel pretzel ice cream which is the best ice cream ever. Let me be clear: I see this as a great success and I have no intention of ruining it. And yet I still can’t seem to let this one thought go. Every time I see a girl I wish I looked like, every time I overeat (it happens), every time I try on yoga pants that aren’t black and realize again how unflattering yoga pants are to my thighs, it’s there in the back of my head: this idea that everything would be better if I were just 10 pounds thinner.
Sure sitting down every time I eat is hard (and I’ll be honest, I break that rule a lot) and that whole stopping eating when I’m full business can be really tricky (I don’t care if I’m full, I want jelly beans!!) but by far the hardest rule of IE for me is learning to be happy with my happy weight.
Is this one of those things that just takes time? Does it get easier with age? Do motivational sayings help you? Does talking about it help or make it worse? I realize that by posting this I run the risk of giving some of you similar thoughts. I sincerely hope that my asking for help doesn’t cause you to have more problems. I am in no way advocating disordered thinking but figuring this out is really important to me and this is why:
She copies everything I do. And I pray she won’t learn this from me.
Any of you struggle with accepting your natural weight and shape too? How do you deal with this? What’s your fave ice cream flavor?
How I’m Doing With My Eating Disorder These Days [Readers' questions]
While I don’t use numbers and do not remotely condone, excuse or justify my disordered behaviors past or present, please be aware that some of the following may be triggering to certain readers. Take gentle care of yourselves; you know what you need today.
Recently I’ve been getting a lot of questions from people about how I’m doing in my eating disorder recovery now. Usually people ask because they’re curious or are struggling with similar demons themselves – truly I never had any idea how prevalent disordered eating and thought patterns are until I started blogging/writing about it – but I got a couple of e-mails this past weekend that I want to specifically address, especially as they seem to be recurring criticisms of my book.
Am I Still A Compulsive Over Exerciser?
The gist of the first e-mail was along the lines of “You say you’re recovered from exercise addiction [compulsive over-exercising*] but I don’t believe you. You still obviously work out a ton.” Other people have asked this question in a slightly different way by saying, “Is it really a good idea for you to continue writing about fitness when you know you have this issue?” One sweet reader even suggested that I rename my blog The Great Charlotte Experiment and then I wouldn’t have to blog about fitness as much. (Love you Annie!!)
Quoth the inimitable Kurt Vonnegut, “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
I am not trying to pretend I am recovered. I try to be very careful with the words I choose in talking about my struggles with various eating disorders. (In the past I’ve been anorexic, orthorexic and, obviously, a compulsive over-exerciser. And while I’ve never been bulimic I’m going to confess that it wasn’t for lack of trying. Apparently I don’t have a very sensitive gag reflex.) So I would never say – and hope I’ve never led you to believe – that I am “recovered.” I don’t know that I will ever say that. I prefer to tell people I am recoverING. And doing really well with it.
Here are the facts: I am at a healthy weight (nope, still not weighing myself but I was healthy the last time I weighed myself and my clothes still fit the same), one that I’ve been at for about a year now so I think my body is happy with it. I’m at a healthy body fat percentage. I’m menstruating every month (and also PMS’ing every month, sigh). My thyroid is no longer whacked out. I workout one hour a day (sometimes less), once a day, six days a week and the Gym Buddies hold me to it if my workouts start to creep up. These are all the numbers.
While there is no formal definition of exercise addiction as an eating disorder (it’s classified in the DSM either as a symptom of bulimia as a purging tactic or as a symptom of obsessive compulsive disorder as a compulsion), according to most accepted standards I do not now fit the criteria. Yay!
But the real story goes far beyond the numbers and official definition: I am light-years happier than I was three years ago (the time span covered in my book). Not a day goes by that I don’t sit down to eat something and am overwhelmed with immense gratitude that I get to eat this yummy food. It is such a gift. Also, I am better about listening to my body with the exercise thing. After feedback from you guys, I dropped doing any measurements for my Experiments and now evaluate everything purely on if I think it is fun and effective. Yes, it’s subjective but I’m cool with it and seems like you guys aren’t bothered by it either (not that any of you are under the delusion that my “experiments” are very scientific anyhow, right?).
Yesterday: We were running Tabata intervals and six into it, I suddenly felt queasy. The old Charlotte would have pushed through and finished – juuust twooo moorrre! – even if she puked. But instead I hopped off, turned off the treadmill and said I was done. Gym Buddy Krista even prompted, “Come on you can do two more!” (She was being encouraging, not pushy) and I still said, “Nope, not feeling it today. I’m done.” And that was it. We used the rest of our time playing a hilarious game of 2-on-2 basketball in the gym during which I learned that you CAN foul people even if they’re not holding the ball. (How was I supposed to know that holding Allison’s hand wasn’t allowed?!)
This is a huge deal to me and I like to talk about it for two reasons: First, it took a lot of hard work to get to where I am now and I’m proud of myself for doing this. I honestly never thought I could live my life every day without counting calories, tracking macronutrients, clocking workouts and weighing myself. And yet here I am, not just hanging by my fingernails off the cliff’s edge but really genuinely happy with myself and my life. Second, I want to give other people hope that they too can overcome the worst of this. (And thirdly, I want my kids, when they’re old enough to read all this stuff, to know how much I love them and how hard I’m fighting to be the mom they need me to be.)
Now for the bad news. I still care too much about my perceived weight. I still have a lot of ED’ed thoughts. They’ve been a part of my thinking for so many years that they are almost second nature. All bad things still manifest as “fat days” in my mind. Sometimes I still mentally calculate the caloric “cost” of meals. Sometimes I still cry in my closet because I can’t find anything to wear even after trying on 70 outfits. Sometimes I still complain about my thighs. But the difference now is that I don’t let these thoughts define my behavior. I think it sometimes, yes, but I don’t act on it. And I try not to beat myself up for thinking them.
As for the blogging/writing aspect, fitness is my passion. I have so much fun doing it. I never get tired of learning about it. I love everything about it and the thought of losing that aspect of my personality feels like an immense loss. Exercise is important. Telling me to not ever exercise again is just as unhealthy as me telling myself I have to workout 6 hours a day. And I want to show people that you can have a healthy relationship with exercise, even if it wasn’t always so. This may not always be the case with me and this blog – I’ve really been enjoying all the parenting writing I’ve been doing for Redbook and Yahoo this past year – but for now this balance works. (Annnnd let’s be honest, I blog about way more things than fitness on here anyhow.)
Using Humor to Discuss Eating Disorders
The second e-mail I got was from a very, very upset girl who feels like I trivialize the seriousness of eating disorders by using humor in my writing about them. This is a personal thing and I believe her feelings are legitimate but for myself, using humor is a way for me to talk about very painful subjects in a way that I wouldn’t be able to without it. I try not to cross the line but since the line is so individual I know I sometimes offend people. And for this I’m very sorry. Eating disorders are often started as a way to protect that fragile inner part of us and when we’re in recovery we’re cracked wide open, sometimes before we’ve had the chance to develop other, better, coping techniques. I never intend to hurt or offend but all I can do is say that I’m doing my best and offer my apologies. The only story I can tell is my own.
And please, if you think I’m being callous leave me a comment! The only way I’ll ever learn is if people tell me what helps them and what hurts them. In the entire 5 years I’ve been blogging I have only deleted two comments and neither was a criticism of me (one was a stomach-churning comment from a trolling pedophile and one was a comment saying my ex-boyfriend should have killed me and shut me up when he had the chance). As long as you’re not a pedophile or a murderer, your comment will stand. All I ask is that you try and be respectful – I am a real human being:)
Where I Am Now
I’m not perfect. (So so so not perfect!) And eating disorder recovery is not a straight line. But I’m definitely moving forward. And I have so many of you to thank for this. I cannot even tell you how many times an e-mail or comment has come offering just the right words or resources when I needed them. Feeling accountable to you guys has kept me from some serious back-sliding (like the day I bought the diet pills and then returned them because I didn’t want to have to write the post explaining that insanity). I thank you for your love, kindness, support and especially for your gentle criticisms. I appreciate every one of you who has cared enough about me to write me and say, “Girl, you’re getting all crazy up in here again. Find a therapist who’s not in prison.” And thank you most of all for your patience as I find my way through this. I never anticipated that my eating disorders and my recovery process would be so public but in the end it’s been a gift.
Do you have any other questions for me about my eating disorders past, (less) present and (hopefully gone) future? Anyone else make it all the way through high school and still not know the rules to basketball? (Did you know that every shot is worth an arbitrary 2 points?? Why not just say 1 point and save on math?)
*After trying out all the various names for this affliction – exercise addiction, compulsive exercise, exercise bulimia, excessive exercise, exercising done wrong – the one that I ended up settling on is “compulsive over-exercise” because it best describes how this disorder feels to me. While I have used it as a way to control my caloric balance, the majority of the time it’s been a compulsion that I’ve used to ameliorate the seriously high anxiety I have from my obsessive thinking. Even when over-exercising started to make me gain weight I didn’t want to stop because I found it so temporarily soothing. When I went to ED therapy, the diagnosis I got was “Anxiety disorder, subtype: OCD”
Are You Eating Beyond Organic?
Whenever Out And About All Day Long Try Eating An Organic Food Bar
Everyone knows that many of us often sit back and consume the usual three meals and also two dessert items every day. That may be useful in principle, however, not necessarily in reality for many of us. The lifestyle for a great number of people is extremely hectic and when we have a chance to eat it does not continually include the best possibilities. Lots of people eat meals at work while working or perhaps in their automobiles on the commute. They don’t simply wish to consume unhealthy foods or perhaps fast food, however it might occur because it is instant and simply available. Many who do prefer to eat much better have discovered one option that is effective for them. This is in the shape of raw bar recipe. They are cereal bars however produced from natural and organic items to make sure they are all nutritious. Those deliver the results beautifully for equally parents as well as for young kids. The reality is, numerous parents supply them as after school snacks. Additionally they keep them in the glove box for the kids after sports workout and prior to supper.
Many shops actually promote them independently in the exact same spot as fresh vegetables and fruit. They appear to be really retailing very well which explains why they continue to keep stocking them. So when you have to get something to nibble on from the convenient store because of time limits, see if they have any natural and organic food bars. It’s going to allow you to feel good and also to have vitality. At the same time, you might have just saved yourself from consuming something which truly is not a good choice for your health. Organic food bars are normally bought at the majority of the well known retail stores. Luckily, they are very inexpensive meaning that people buy them without having a second thought regarding it. If they’re going to purchase these kinds of products anyhow, it’s really a great idea they grab the ones that are much better for the body.
Organic food bars are available in a number of wonderful flavors as well and they also taste incredible. The more individuals who give them a go, the more demand from customers there ultimately ends up being for them available. You’ll see numerous distinct brand names of organic food bars available you can buy. It is best to obtain one containing fantastic reviews. When you cannot locate them locally, consider purchasing them on the net. Should you be eating huge amounts of these think about purchasing these raw food shopping list in big amounts. By doing this, you’ll save cash over buying them separately. If you don’t like the taste of your specific brand, please do not assume that all of organic food bars taste this way. Be prepared to test a number of different brand names before you decide to select one you actually like.
Related posts:
The One Part of Intuitive Eating I Can’t Master [And how I'm getting help for it]
I can’t help it – every time I think of obsessive navel gazing, I look to the master. Of course Inigo Montoya was completely awesome.
Having a year-plus of Intuitive Eating* under my belt and counting nary a single calorie, fat gram or carb in that time has made me a bit cocky, I’ll admit it. I’ve even referred to myself as “recovered” a few times. I like absolutes. I’m a black and white thinker! I swing wildly back and forth between I’m cured! and I’m sick!. But as anyone who has ever had an eating disorder take up residence in their gray matter knows, it’s really not that binary. Which is how I have found myself in a deep funk for the past month or so, thinking that because I’ve made some mistakes that means I’ve failed at Intuitive Eating.
By “mistakes” I mean this: While I haven’t done anything major, I have ended up crying in my closet again. Over some rather silly things. One thing, actually. And this one this is so pernicious that despite all my IE progress, I’m baffled as to how to let it go. This thing is a thought that possess me, obsesses me, far more than I like to admit. But I’m not as subtle as I like to think I am. I was looking back over old posts tonight trying to decide what I hadn’t blogged recently. I’m weird that way; I’m never at a loss for topics to blog about – my brain is so frenetic I’ll wake myself up with ideas and scribble them in the margins of a crossword puzzle book I keep next to my bed – but I tend to get stuck in ruts. And tonight I noticed that I’ve been blogging a lot about diets, dieting, food and even weight loss over the past month or so. There was a period of time where I didn’t blog about these things (truly!) and now they’re back. Why? It’s the thing come back to haunt me. It’s the one piece of Intuitive Eating I simply can’t figure out.
It’s the thought that I’m never thin enough. I tell myself that 5 pounds, that’s all I need to lose and then I’ll be happy. Lie.
Even though I don’t restrict food anymore, I’ve let some old food neuroses creep back in. My anxiety over eating is back. Hunger is starting to feel more like failure and less like the natural, healthy, body cue that I know it to be. And all of it always comes back to the thought that I’m nothing if I’m not thin. I’m slipping, you guys. I’d be embarrassed to admit this to you all except that I’m guessing you already noticed.
But my brain is wrong and this time I’m fighting back, before it goes any further than just thoughts. I am more than the circumference of my thighs or the width of my waist. I am more than any stick-figure ideal touted by a few sick people in prominent places. I am more, even, than this body as flawed and beautiful as it is. I am worth so much more than this.
The hard part for me is really believing it. I know it on a cerebral level but through all my recovery I have never been able to fully exorcise that dream of perfect thinness. Just typing that is laughable – what is thin, after all? It isn’t happiness, nor health, nor longevity. And the “dream of” it turns into a shallow, self-serving obsession. Madness lies in a perfectly unattainable goal, always one step (or one pound) out of reach.
The thing that I hate the most about this Thought is that I can only really think about one thing at a time so if my brain is obsessing over holding my stomach in just so then I am not listening when my son tries to show me the apple he drew or my friend tries to tell me about her doctor’s appointment or my mom calls to ask about birthday party plans. When I’m consumed with not consuming, I can’t hear the little voice that tells me to write a note of encouragement to a neighbor or notice when a Gym Buddy looks sad or take cookies to the beloved teacher who just lost her job. I don’t hear the deep belly laugh of my toddler as she figures out how to throw every possession she owns over the side of the back deck. (The mystery of the missing shoes, solved!) All these blessed opportunities: missed.
But it isn’t enough to just write these words here. So, I’ve taken the real-world step of hiring a nutritionist and going back to therapy. Yay! The nutritionist (thank you to Quix for the inspiration!) is because I need to not think about food right now. I need to stop trying to figure out the exact best healthiest way to eat. I need someone to just tell me what to eat so I can focus on rewiring my brain to think about other things again. And to hit me with the reality stick when I veer off course. I’ve tried seeing a nutritionist once in the past and it ended rather badly. I didn’t return. I have higher hopes for this one and we have our first official meeting tomorrow! The trick, of course, will be to trust her judgement. I think I can do that.
This isn’t a black-or-white test that I pass or fail. Eating disorder recovery and Intuitive Eating are going to be a lifelong process for me but it doesn’t have to be a lifelong struggle. My dear grandmother was bulimic to the day she died and, forgive me if this sounds weird, but I’ve felt her presence a lot this week. When I was younger I used to think this disorder was the tie that bound us even across death but now I think that she does not want me to suffer like she did. She wants me to learn faster than she did that being more does not make us less. I will not miss this opportunity to listen. I am a fast learner.
What do you do when your thoughts don’t match your actions? Have you ever used a nutritionist? Any other advice about how you conquered the “thin at all costs” mental demons? I’ve returned to writing in my gratitude journal daily and pulled out the old CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) workbook!
*Every time I post about IE, people ask me which program I follow and which books I recommend so I’ll just get a jump on it here and tell you that I LOVE Geneen Roth’s version of IE. It’s been absolutely life changing for me. The first book I usually recommend to people is WHEN YOU EAT AT THE REFRIGERATOR, PULL UP A CHAIR: 50 WAYS TO FEEL THIN, GORGEOUS, AND HAPPY (WHEN YOU FEEL ANYTHING BUT)
One Year of Intuitive Eating and The Best Birthday Ever (Experiment Results are in!)
Is this not the best self-portrait ever? As my sister said, "Now we know what you'll look like as a little old lady." I was trying to get Jelly Bean's face as we went down the giant rainbow slide (it ends in unicorn poop and leprechaun gold) but instead got evidence of how my fear of sunburns trumps my fear of looking like a total dork.
“Um, don’t take this the wrong way but I always see you guys killing yourselves for like 20 minutes but then you just…” her voice trailed off.
“…Sit here and do this?” Gym Buddy Allison waved at us sitting and “stretching” (read: talking with one leg haphazardly extended).
“Yeah! What’s up with that?!” Our new friend Erika at the gym asked as people slogged away on ellipticals all around us.
“Oh that used to be us too, about 4 years ago,” I started.
“But not anymore!” Allison chimed in. “We’ve learned a lot.”
“So what changed?” Erika (who may soon become a Gym Buddy as I think I talked her into trying our workouts with us!) asked.
I paused, considering the roller coaster of the past few years of diets, exercise addiction, freak-of-the-week TV spots, 2 books and another baby. “Everything,” I said. “Absolutely everything.”
Last year, for my 32nd birthday I gave myself a special gift: I quit blogging. Jelly Bean was 7 months old and I found myself at the end of my rope with my eating and exercise. I was desperate to lose the baby weight and I could feel the crazy voices circling like vultures. But this time I was determined to not fall into old habits. I had a daughter now, one who would watch my every action and learn to love or hate herself as I loved or hated myself. Lest you think I’m giving myself too much credit, I found a panty liner in Jelly Bean’s diaper the other day. That girl watches me like a hawk, even when I don’t realize she’s there (like, um, in the bathroom – note to self: shut the door!). I have no doubt that if she saw me weighing myself, she’d be shoving me off the scale and planting her own pudgy toddler feet on it – the mere thought of which makes me shudder – before I could say “eating disorders run in our family”. I needed time to figure myself out and so I gave myself time.
Desperation and my daughter led me to try something I’d never considered before, something I was completely terrified of, something I was sure could never work for broken me. Intuitive Eating, Geneen Roth style, came into my life and that first month was intense. It was like learning to eat all over again but when I emerged – and started blogging again (turns out I just needed a month, who knew?)- I knew it had been worth it. That was one year ago. If you would have told me a year ago that I’d be able to eat basically anything and not gain weight, I would not have believed you. If you would have told me two years ago that I could go without weighing myself and not gain weight, I would have laughed in your face. If you would have told me three years ago that I could maintain my weight without doing hours of cardio every day, I would not have listened, would not have even been able to hear you, even. If you would have told me four years ago that I could lose my pregnancy weight and maintain that loss without food journaling and calorie counting, I would have sobbed and told you a hundred reasons why that wasn’t true for me.
And yet here I am. No weighing, no counting, no excessive exercise, and I’m fine. Today I weighed myself – don’t freak out, I don’t plan on continuing but I wanted to know how my Intuitive Eating Experiment had worked over the course of a year – and I weigh one pound more than this day one year ago. I consider this a coup of the grandest level. I am happy, I’m healthy and I’m sane. Well, sane-ish. I trusted my body to tell me what it needed and it did. I’m amazed. I’m grateful. I’m humbled.
I’m not perfect, however. I still have a long way to go – I have more “fat days” than I care to recount, I still compare myself to other women, I still have my favorite pair of “skinny jeans” that don’t fit and will never fit as long as I’m at a healthy weight – but look how far I’ve come, baby! Happy Birthday, indeed!
And to celebrate this momentous year, my sister and best friend Laura threw me a “Great Fitness Experiment Birthday Party” – best birthday party I’ve ever had! It was epic:
What was your favorite birthday? I got a jar of beets as a gift (from Laura, of course, she knows how I feel about pooping bloody entrails!) – what’s the strangest gift you’ve gotten?
Is Eating Red Meat Inhumane?
From here on out I’m only taking of my sweatshirt by sliding it down over my hips.
Recently Mark Zuckerberg (creator of Facebook for any of you that aren’t geeks or Justin Timberlake fans – although there is a surprising overlap between the two groups. Venn diagram anyone??) announced that he will henceforth only eat meat that he has killed by his own hand. Each year he takes on a new personal challenge (last year he learned Chinese… I know, it boggles) and this year he says,
“My personal challenge is around being thankful for the food I have to eat. I think many people forget that a living being has to die for you to eat meat, so my goal revolves around not letting myself forget that and being thankful for what I have. This year I’ve basically become a vegetarian since the only meat I’m eating is from animals I’ve killed myself. So far, this has been a good experience. I’m eating a lot healthier foods and I’ve learned a lot about sustainable farming and raising of animals. I started thinking about this last year when I had a pig roast at my house. A bunch of people told me that even though they loved eating pork, they really didn’t want to think about the fact that the pig used to be alive. That just seemed irresponsible to me. I don’t have an issue with anything people choose to eat, but I do think they should take responsibility and be thankful for what they eat rather than trying to ignore where it came from.”
Zuckerberg also makes it a point to eat all parts of the animal including the organs and even used chicken feet to make stock.
Have you ever killed an animal that you then ate? Other than a few fish as a kid, I haven’t. Honestly I don’t know if I could. I remember my dad deciding one day that he wanted to hunt a deer, kill it, skin it and butcher it (my dad’s big on survival skills). He was successful – a fact I discovered when I came face to face with the dead animal hanging by its feet under our deck as I tried to sneak in past curfew late one night (saying I screamed like a girl does not do justice to that scream. or girls.) – and it took us an entire year to eat all that venison which he insisted we do because it would be inhumane to kill an animal for sport and not nutrition. This is the house I grew up in.
You know who has killed a cow? Gym Buddy Krista. And not with her car, either. (I’m telling you, this girl has got stories. And they come out at the most random times in the gym.) As a practicing Muslim, she can only eat “halal” meat which means it must be slaughtered in a particular way with specific prayers. “Ḏabīḥah (ذَبِيْحَة) is the prescribed method of slaughtering all animals excluding fish and most sea-life per Islamic law. This method of slaughtering animals consists of using a well sharpened knife to make a swift, deep incision that cuts the front of the throat, the carotid artery, wind pipe and jugular veins but leaves the spinal cord intact.” You catch all that? Big knife, throat slitting, lots of blood – and she’s done it. When I looked like I might faint she told me to stop being such a baby. And I think she’s right. While it sounds awful, I think that it is a powerful way to connect people with what they are eating. Most of us who eat meat like to pretend it magically appears on store shelves in shrink-wrapped irradiated (there’s another issue for another day) packages. But every time we have “Beef, it’s what’s for dinner!” or “Pork, the other white meat!” or even “Chicken, we don’t need no slogan ’cause we make tasty nuggets!” we are, in effect, causing the death of another living being.
I take that very seriously. Even after examining all the health issues and research, this still weighs heavily on me. I know some of you are going to think I’m nutty (not that you need another reason) but for me when I decided to eat meat again, I also decided to stay as connected to the animal as possible. I’m not going to go slaughter my own cow – Krista, I’m getting pale again – but I can say a prayer of thanksgiving both to the animal who gave up its life for me and to the God who made it (the same God who notes the fall of every sparrow is surely going to miss something as obnoxiously flatulent as a cow). It also means that I sought out a farmer who cares about his animals and raises them in ways where they thrive, even if I have to pay more for it and drive home with a minivan stuffed full of bloody cardboard boxes like the dumbest serial killer ever. (Although price wise I’ve found it pretty economical when I buy 1/4 of a cow at a time.) Bob – yes he is Farmer Bob and I adore him – probably thinks I’m unbalanced but I always ask him how the cow was doing, what it weighed, if it was happy and if it had a name. (For the record, he does not name his cattle.)
Hippy-dippy feelings aside, a lot of people are very concerned about the economic and environmental impact of raising animals for food and rightly so. Animals, but beef especially, are very inefficient food sources and therefore take a lot of natural resources like water and grain that could be used to help a huge number of hungry and thirsty people. In a world where millions, including 15 million children, die of starvation every year it seems we should be focusing more of our attentions on how to best raise enough food and the most efficient ways to get it to where it needs to be. (Often, sadly, the issue isn’t so much a shortage of food but an issue of politics and logistics that keeps the available food out of needy mouths.) The environmental cost is also large. Pasturing cows is awesome as I pointed out yesterday but just like conventionally raised cattle, they take up a lot of land, contaminate water sources and – I swear I’m not making this up – cow farts (methane) account for 18% of global warming. In addition we accrue environmental costs in the methods we use to farm animals, butcher them and transport them not to mention the antibiotic resistances that we’ve introduced by injecting our food sources with antibiotics.
My Conclusion
These reasons are exactly why I will never ever tell someone they “should” or “need to” eat meat. The larger ethical questions of whether it is humane to eat meat and whether it is acceptable to do that kind of damage to the environment will have to be answered by each person in their own way but for me I need to eat some meat. And I will do it in the kindest, cleanest way that I can. It’s an uneasy compromise.
Have you ever killed an animal? Do moral/ethical concerns change the way you eat?
And just in case you don’t think fish are cute enough to warrant existential angst, check out this adorable vid of a toddler catching his first fish. (He names the fishy “Free” because he’s “beautiful” and then asks his dad “Does it like me?” The father wisely does not answer, “Well you put a hook through his mouth and are now suffocating him with air so he probably hates your guts right now.” because that would not have been adorable.)
Is Eating Red Meat Bad For You? [Research Porn!]
I’ve heard cow tongue can be a delicacy but I’m pretty sure they didn’t mean on the first date.
“Mom?” My freshly bathed son snuggled into my lap as we read through his favorite book before bedtime.
“Yes, honey?” I answered, prepared for one of his silly existential questions he likes to pose right before lights out. (“If I had a googleplex of licorice would you make me share it with my brothers?”)
His big sweet brown eyes looked up at me through those long lashes he got from my husband. Laying one little hand on my cheek he asked, “Do baby cows taste as delicious as mommy cows?”
Cough, choke, splutter. My baby wants veal?!? All this time I thought he loved Brown Cow, Brown Cow because of the snuggly baby animals and the cute way I sing the text (I do a very fancy trill on the last “No kittens, no kittens, but many many friends!”) but apparently he was reading it as a cookbook. I panicked – you do realize there is a goose in that book, right? How am I supposed to explain Foie Gras to a 3-year-old?? But in the end, what could I say? The boy has always loved his meat. He once ate five bratwursts at friend’s birthday party; he called them “meat sticks” and carried one in each fist, alternating bites. That would be another thing he got from my husband – I was a vegetarian then.
My history with meat and with dead cow specifically has been long and tumultuous. I was a vegetarian for years, then a vegan, then I realized one day that for my health I did need to eat some meat. Then I went on a meat bender for a few months. I’ve tried the Primal Blueprint which has you eat meat at every meal. I investigated Gary Taubes‘ (of Good Calories Bad Calories) claim that one could eat nothing but meat – yes you read that right, no fruits and veggies necessary – and be perfectly healthy. And then I embraced Intuitive Eating which may have ended up teaching me more about what meat eating means for my body than I learned from 100 books.
And I’m not the only confused person out there. These days it takes much less than a children’s book though to bring out people’s mixed feelings about meat. There are two main controversies surrounding red meat: Is it healthy? Is it humane? (I’m including both taking good care of the animals and of the environment in the latter.) Today I’ll examine the first question and tomorrow I’ll talk about the second. (I originally wrote this as all one post but then I figured I shouldn’t dump a 3,000 word article on you on a Monday. You’re welcome.)
Is Eating Red Meat Bad For You?
The other day my friend DarLee and I were waxing rhapsodic about the amazing grass-fed, grass-finished, pastured, kissed-by-angels beef we got from a local farmer – seriously this stuff is so amazing I don’t even bother seasoning it when I cook it – when another friend wrinkled her nose and said, “Ew. I gave up red meat a long time ago. Especially ground beef. It’s so bad for you!”
But is it?
For years the advice given us from everyone from our doctors to the government to celebrities was to “eat lean meats” like the perennial favorite, the Almighty Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast. (See what I did there? I proper-noun’ed it!) We were told by our doctors to avoid red meat especially because of the “artery clogging saturated fat” and told that if we must eat it then to stick to the leanest cuts we could find. Indeed it seemed that the research backed up this position with studies linking red meat consumption to higher incidences of cancer and heart disease. Just last a week a report issued by the World Cancer Research Fund/American Institute for Cancer Research concluded, “red and processed meat increases the risk for colorectal cancer, and the evidence that foods containing fiber offer protection against the disease has become stronger.” CNN.com in reporting a different study, declared definitively, “Want to live longer? Cut back on red meat.” It became one of those nutritional facts that everyone just “knows.”
But when you really look into the research that knowledge becomes a lot less sure. The main problem is that most studies are looking at people who eat factory-farmed animals whose meat has an entirely different nutritional profile than cows raised as they were meant to be. Conventionally raised cows are fed a diet of grains, sugar (seriously), and a melange of other things that can include beef blood, chicken feathers and even arsenic. They are also injected with hormones and antibiotics to help speed their growth and for infections brought on by crowded, unsanitary conditions.
However, left to their own devices cows prefer to eat grasses and roam Home On The Range style (no word yet on if the deer and the antelope want to play today – I hear they’re under investigation for becoming rowdy neighbors now that we’ve killed off the wolves that used to shut down their redneck parties.) The end result is a meat that is naturally “lower in fat, calories, and omega-6 fatty acids linked to heart disease. It’s also higher in vitamin E and heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids. (But not that high: You’ll get two to five times more omega-3 fatty acids from grass-fed beef than regular beef, but you’ll get 5,000 percent more from salmon.)” It also contains more CLA, a known cancer-fighter. The research supports that people who eat grass-fed beef get less cancer and have lower blood pressure and better lipid profiles than people who don’t.
The second issue with a lot of these studies is that they don’t differentiate between processed and unprocessed meats. Nitrates and nitrites among other preservatives commonly used in hot dogs, sausage, bacon and lunch meat have been linked to cancer but when you look at beef that has been naturally cured the link between cancer and red meat disappears again and it even reduces your risk of diabetes.
The third issue is that the link between saturated fat and heart disease has not held up under scientific scrutiny. I’ll give you a few minutes for that to sink in. I wrote about this before when I shared how I learned to embrace eating fat (all kinds of fat except man-made ones!) and how it increased my health but saturated fats are not the villains we’ve been taught to believe. A lot of that advice was based on Ancel Key’s 7 Countries Studies – a great body of research but his conclusions didn’t account for some important variables. Mark’s Daily Apple debunks this one more thoroughly and intelligently than I ever could.
A third consideration that I found buried in the studies is that ancient populations like the Inuit and Masai who subsisted almost entirely on meat, prized the fatty organ meat and often discarded the leaner muscle meat – which is exactly the opposite of how we eat it. Unless you’re a zombie (the apocalypse is here!) you likely have never eaten braiiinnnnnssss. When I asked on FaceBook and Twitter the best way to cook liver, the majority of cheeky answers said “Remove from fridge, throw directly in garbage.” (And no Naomi, I still haven’t had the guts – ha! – to try your liver recipe yet. But I’m going to, I promise!!)
My Conclusion
It appears to me (remember I’m no expert in this, just a neurotic speed reading overthinker) that it is the type of red meat you eat that makes the difference to your health. Indeed it seems that eating some grass-fed beef, especially the offal (organ meats), can provide a wide range of important health benefits that are difficult to get from other food sources. I eat it. Not every day. I love it.
Do you eat red meat? Is there any particular meat or meat dish you avoid? Any advice for cooking beef liver and/or heart?
*Check back in tomorrow to discuss the ethical issues surrounding red meat – so please don’t flame me in the comments for not talking about that in this post, ok?