Bad Advice from Celebs and Good Advice from Bloggers: Where you do you get your advice?
Running in a sauna suit? A $425 cleanse? Bringing your personal chef to cook for you at restaurants because you can’t trust the food? Stars, they really are just like us! Sorta! While I’ll never have a personal chef (but neither will I have people with telephoto lenses trying to take pictures of me bending over in a swimsuit, so there’s that), when it comes to making diet and fitness mistakes, it turns out celebrities are just like the rest of us. This week I did a slideshow for Shape.com highlighting some of the bad advice certain A-listers are spewing of late. Not to mock them – heaven knows I’ve made so many mistakes in the name of “health” that I could write a book about them (oh wait, I DID) – but because it makes me feel better to know everyone struggles with trying to figure this whole healthy living thing out. And because it made me laugh out loud when Serena Williams said, “I don’t like anything physical. If it involves sitting down or shopping, I’m excellent at it.” Honesty for the win!
But my favorite quote was from Katherine Heigel, because it is such a perfect example of how no woman, no matter how talented or beautiful, escapes the comparing curse:
“On comparing herself to other stars, Katherine Heigl recently said she doesn’t “have the discipline to work out 2 hours a day like Jennifer Aniston and doesn’t want to eat packaged meals like Jessica Alba.” She adds, “It’s only now that I realize how hard those girls work for their bodies, and what level of commitment they make to do that. I’m too lazy and I like food and I like my free time too much to spend it working out!”
While we admire Heigl for being true to herself and her natural body shape, she shows the danger of comparing ourselves to other women. Eating properly and exercising are good for you in so many ways, even if they never make you look like Aniston or Alba.” (May I say it feels weird to put my own quote in block quotes??)
To read the rest: 7 Celebrity Health Tips That Are Anything But Healthy
On the other end of the spectrum, I got to do an awesome slideshow featuring some of my fave bloggers (YOU GUYS!) and what they carry in their gym bag. Due to some technical difficulties (Dear Editor, the Internet ate my e-mail) it’s taken a couple of months to finally get posted but it’s now live on Shape. Go check out MizFit, Cranky Fitness, Mama Sweat, Cort the Sport, Ulli, All Health Breaks Loose, Bikini or Bust, Man Bicep, Go Tami Go, Truth 2 Being Fit, and TGI Paleo and see what these fit ladies are hiding in their gym bags! (Hint: one of them has 7 tubes of lip gloss!)
As a mom, I loved Mama Sweat/Kara’s description of her bag:
“Like most moms with un-potty-trained children, the must-haves include diapers, wipes, changing pad, sippy cup, and emergency snack (for both of us). I also keep everything I would need if I get the opportunity to shower (which rarely happens). I also want to be prepared for any workout, because I never know how I’ll feel once I walk in the door. So you’ll find everything from swim goggles to cycling shoes in my bag, and another important item: an extra sports bra. You never know.”
And the picture is hilarious as she’s holding her baby, her gym bag and possibly the dog too.
To read the rest: Fitness Bloggers Reveal: What’s in my gym bag
All of which made me think about where we get our health advice from. Obviously straight from the scientists and researchers would be ideal but let’s be honest, that often takes more time and money than most of us have. (And also more brain cells than I have left over after spending 14 straight hours with tiny tyrants who think nothing of peeling 4 pounds of oranges and shoving the peels in our new couch so I wouldn’t find them. Of course they overlooked the Hansel & Gretel-esque trail of partially chewed orange segments pointing like a guilty arrow at their feet.) The next level up would be sites like MSN Health or WebMD but they lack a certain charm. And then we have bloggers. Bloggers often get a lot of flack for giving advice that we are either unqualified to give or is just outright bad – which is exactly why I try never to give advice. But I tend to think of blogging as the modern-day equivalent of the backyard fence – it may not be the most accurate but it’s the most accessible and there’s something to be said for anecdotal evidence.
And the final tier of information is your mother. In case you don’t remember, your mother basically out-ranks everyone and you should always listen to her advice, mostly because she can tell when you’re getting a cold just by hearing you on the phone.
What sources do you trust for your health and fitness advice? What’s the most heinous piece of advice you’ve ever heard a celeb/writer/blogger give (We’ll leave your mother out of this)?
Hello from Brussels!
When I was little I used to love brussel sprouts. I called them “little cabbages” and I popped one by one in my mouth. Then I went through a phase where the sight of them made me gag and run the other way. However, with time, I learned to love my “little cabbages” again. Roasted, sautéed and even raw. I love them… this time for good!
Sautéed Balsamic Brussel Sprouts with Onion, Garlic and Red Peppers by Savoring the Thyme
Roasted Brussel Sprouts with Pear and Shallots by My Family Kitchen
Brussels meet Brandy by Christie’s Corner
Brussel Sprouts with Garlic and Cumin by Coconut Raita
Roasted Brussel Sprouts with Pecans by The Parsley Thief
Brussel Sprouts: A lesson on love by you eatin’ nice
The Truth About the hCG Diet, Strange Ways to Save Money and other dubious advice from me this week
I love words. It’s no secret. And no words ever make me laugh harder than unintentional autocorrects. My personal best: I once tried to text a friend “don’t be so catastrophic” but after my phone mangled it, it came out “go lick cats a** ” She texted back, “That is like the worst advice ever.” There isn’t an LOL-ism to show how hard I laughed. Anyhow, if you need a giggle, check out Darnyouautocorrect.com
In other wordy news, not only did I publish my first newspaper feature this week and get profiled in the same paper but I also wrote some stuff. A lot of stuff. Enjoy! Or skip it and go straight to autocorrect and laugh yourself silly. It’s Friday!
Fitness Stuff:
10 Tips From People Whose Body Is Their Career. My personal fave was Kara Goucher, elite marathoner and Olympian, who said, “”I used to be super restrictive about what I ate and watched everything I put into my mouth. Then I went the other way and ate a little bit too much of everything. Now, I’m in a healthier place. No food is off limits—if I tell myself I can’t have something, I’m way more likely to eat the entire container than if I allow myself to just have some. So I eat healthy most of the time, but if I want dessert, or a glass of wine, I have it!” Even elite athletes like intuitive eating!
8 Reasons Why You Should Lift Heavy Weights. Seriously ladies, there are so many great mental and physical benefits of lifting heavy! Plus, then you’ll know that when someone says “Hey, nice rack!” that they actually are complimenting your lifting form. Usually.
7 Unknown Spots to Score Affordable Workout Clothes. Did you know you can make your own yoga capris out of a large t-shirt? Or that Dancewear Solutions isn’t just for dancers (and has the cutest tanks for less than $15)? Be your own Fitshonista. Yeah, okay, fitshonista is never going to catch on.
The Truth About the hCG Diet Plan. Remember how I said the surest way to make people mad is to rip on their fave diet plan? Well, keep in mind that it was the FDA who called this one “dangerous, illegal and fraudulent.” Not that I’m a huge fan of it either.
Bloggers Reveal The #1 Best Get Healthy Tip They’ve Ever Gotten. And I win an award for the wordiest headline ever written! Yay me! (Seriously, is there a class for writing good headlines? Because I need one. Now.)
And for a change, I’m actually in the piece instead of writing it. Want to check out my slightly embarrassing choices for workout songs? (Yes I’m a 33-year-old mom who loves Pitbul. I have no idea how a short, bald man can be so sexy but there you go.) I’ve also recently discovered Lindi Ortega (video embedded below) and you should see me run to this one – I can’t help but sing out loud! Yep, I’m that girl. Bloggers Reveal: What’s on my workout playlist.
Parenting Stuff
Great Mom Debate: Have you made your kids write their thank-you cards yet? Here’s the thing about thank-you cards: they’re a lot of work for the parents. I know, I know, we’re raising courteous human beings and all. I do it. I just whine a lot.
When Babies Get Grabby: 5 ways that babies (adorably) make you a flasher. President Obama recently demonstrated what to do when one is “fish-hooked” by a tiny one. Seriously, I’ve watched this video 10 times now and I still go “awwww…!”
Moms’ 10 Weirdest Tips for Saving Money. I have smart mommy friends. But the thing that most amused me about this piece were the comments. Half the people were like “Wha…? These are the weirdest tips ever! Who does this crap??” and the other half were like “These tips aren’t weird! I was promised weird! Where are the sewer alligators dangit?!”
Kids bad reactions to hilarious gift giving. I can’t remember if I already linked this one here but the video is so funny, it’s worth watching twice;)
Have you ever had a really awful autocorrect?? Do you have a new favorite workout song?
From Sex to Sanity: The huge benefits (and one surprising negative) of being active
“I like weights. You know where you stand with them. Well, sometimes you’re lying under them, trying not to let them crush you, but you see, you know they’d crush you if they could. There’s honesty.” – One of my all-time favorite quotes about fitness (truly, nothing is more honest than weight lifting!) from my Shape.com slideshow The Smartest Things Ever Said About Fitness.
One of the best things about my job, even better than getting to interview celebs like Allison Sweeney and Tony Horton, is getting to talk to all kinds of people and see how fitness has changed their lives. Sure weight loss comes up a lot – usually in the context of “What’s the fastest way to lose weight?” I like Oprah’s reply: “There is no easy solution. If there was I would have bought it and it would be one of my favorite things.” – but the most common benefits people see from exercise have to do more with how they feel than how they look. Recently I asked people on my Facebook what their fave fitness perk is. Confidence, a brighter mood, fewer meds and even a better sex life were just a few of the amazing stories shared.
This is Lindsey and her new fiancee. Is this not the cutest engagement pic ever?!? Plus, she used to be a professional belly dancer and has offered to fulfill a lifelong dream of mine and do a mini-experiment teaching the Gym Buddies and I a routine! Look for that post this month!
Take, for example, my friend Lindsey who wrote, “When I was a sophomore in college, I was diagnosed with stomach problems. Then I joined the YMCA, and thanks to my increased activity, weight loss, and stress reduction, I don’t need to take the medication anymore! Not to mention that it gave me a great group of girlfriends!” And I can vouch for how great those girlfriends are since one of them’s me;)
To check out the rest of the stories, see my post for Shape How Has Being Active Changed Your Life?
But one of the most interesting parts of the Facebook discussion were the few brave friends who dared to also point out an interesting negative consequence of getting fit.
Michelle G. wrote, “The thinner I got, ironically the more self-conscious I became because I fit into the ‘normal’ people world. When I was fat I could hide away. I also feel internal pressure to [always] be training for something. But I’m learning how to be my own person. And just because I’m not doing a race or training for a tri doesn’t mean I’m not active! Plus, I love that my pulse is super low and I can see muscles in my arms!”
Quish T., who recently lost a ton of weight, agreed, adding, “I will also tell you something bad. I am acutely, ACUTELY aware of everything I put in my mouth. I am obsessive about it. In my mind I calculate how many calories this was, how long I will have to work out to burn off that. I used to think as a bigger person I was “ok” with it. But now as someone who can shop at a “normal” store I find I am actually more critical of myself. I feel like people who knew me when I was bigger are watching me. To see what I eat, if I gain weight, if I work out. It’s crazy…almost worse.”
Honestly it had never occurred to me how much pressure people who lose a lot of weight must feel and how that might affect them when it comes to life-long habits and how they view exercise. I mean we all know that I’ve been crazy and obsessive about my food and exercise (doing light years better now -holla!) but I never thought about how losing weight could make a formerly overweight person, well, disordered. Although now that I type that I want to #facepalm. Heck, people from The Biggest Loser have been talking for years about how it gave them an eating disorder but they’re doing things that are obviously insane, right? Does it really have the same effect for normal people doing the whole “making healthy changes” thing?
Indeed, it can. Tara Parker-Pope wrote an absolutely illuminating article on this very subject for the New York Times called “The Fat Trap.” It’s lengthy but worth the read as she details her own roller coaster weight struggle, the research that explains why a calorie is not “just a calorie”, and the realities of what people do to maintain their weight loss and the toll it takes on them. One woman even weighed her poop so she could get the most accurate measurement of her RMR (resting metabolic rate) so that she wouldn’t go over her calorie allotment.
So now I’m dying to hear your stories! How has being active changed your life for the better? And have you seen any negatives to it? Those of you who have lost a lot of weight, can you relate to Michelle, Quish and Tara’s (look at me all on a first-name basis with her!) struggles??
What can we do to prevent lips from getting dry and chapped?
Read full story on The Green Beauty Guide
Q: What can we do to prevent lips from getting dry and chapped? Any useful tricks to protect lips in the winter?
Jessica, New York (via email)
A: Dry lips can be soothed and moisturised with olive oil mixed with beeswax. This is the purest thing you can apply to your lips. I love castor and coconut oils but I find olive oil more nourishing for winter time.
Here’s a super easy recipe: take a tea cup and combine a small cube of beeswax, approximately half-ounce, and two teaspoons olive oil.
You can also add a small dollop of honey to this blend, if you like, but again, if you make the balm too sweet you will be prompted to lick your lips too often, and that’s not good! That’s why I prefer to make lip balms that are neutral to taste and are not fragranced. Unbleached beeswax always has a faint honeycomb smell, it’s more than enough to disguise the aroma of the oil.
Combine olive oil (or any oil of your choice) and beeswax, cover the cup with a non-PVC kitchen film and microwave for 15 seconds or until the oil and wax melt. I never use microwave for cooking but I guess it’s more or less OK for skincare!
Carefully stir the blend and pour it into any empty tins or tiny pots you have around the home.
Empty jars from eye creams or mini size products or samples are excellent! You can add some color with raspberry, beets or even strawberry juice. You can also add some mineral shimmer if you like.
You can buy unbleached beeswax or olive wax online, it’s a great money saver, and you can use it to make your own face moisturizers, hair balms, feet and hand treatments, virtually anything!
In my vegan products, I use olive wax which is non-animal derived, so you may prefer to use it, it’s very simple to use, and it’s absolutely unscented.
Getting the Most From Your Moisturizer
Read full story on The Green Beauty Guide
Moisturizers help protect your skin from the effects of weather, stress, an imbalanced diet, fatigue and pollution. Get into the habit of hydrating morning and night. To be effective, moisturizers need to be applied properly.
KEEP IT CLEAN. Don’t dip your fingers into those precious pots of cream. Instead, scoop out the moisturizer with a mini-spatula that you wash with soap and water after every use. Or use a cotton swab. Also, seal the jar tightly in order to prevent contamination from the air.
USE ONLY WHAT YOU NEED. A nickel-size dollop of cream is enough to hydrate your entire face. Dab it on your forehead, nose, chin and cheeks. Spread it evenly in circular, upward motions. Keep your touch light, and avoid hard or vigorous rubbing — you want to pamper your skin, not punish it.
NOURISH YOUR NECK. Use leftover cream to moisturize your neck. Start at the collarbone and move up toward your chin.
PAMPER YOUR EYES. The thin, sensitive skin around your eyes requires special care. To minimize dark circles and wrinkles — and avoid irritation and tears — use formulas designed specifically for the eyes. These penetrate that very delicate skin much more effectively than regular creams. Lightly tap the specialty lotions around your eyes (but never on your lids) and you’re good to go.
Happy Holidays From The Great Fitness Experiment!
I like to think we patented the “pee-pee pose”. And with 20 (!!) kids between us, it gets used A LOT.
Happy Holidays from all of us at the Great Fitness Experiment! We’ve already got some great Experiments lined up for 2012 (hint: it rhymes with “wee mighty next” 2!!). Thank you so much to all of you – this wouldn’t be nearly as awesome as it is without all of you reading, commenting, chastising, hugging and, yes, even lurking. I wish I had tutus for all of you! Dudes included!
I’m taking this week off of blogging to be with my family so I’ll see you in the new year!
In the meantime, other articles I wrote this week:
Are you falling for these 10 Food Label Lies? (Dun, dun, dun!!!)
Health Concerns? The best online support systems. (After you guys, of course!)
Kids’ bad reactions to gifts: Hilarious or Heinous? (The video is awesome!)
Top 15 “Mommy Warning” Sayings. (The comments are even better than my article!)
Latest volley in the mom-wars: Is buying food for a bake sale cheating? (Um, no. Duh.)
Krista just does this to people. It’s more than a little unnerving.
Sideways is very slimming!
Personally, I think I look better upside down. Which explains a lot, frankly.
Daria is verrry excited to go back to her cheerleading days.
I finally figured out why I have so many problems shaving my pits!!
Krista has me by the tail. It comes in handier than you’d think.
You have NO IDEA how many tries it took to get this picture.
Photoshop: On a Scale From Christmas Card to Cyborg (New research quantifies how much is too much)
One of these things is not like the other… psych!! They’re actually ALL exactly the same body. Just with different heads creepily pasted on.
“Everyone’s doing it” is not generally considered a great argument in regards to our health and yet when it comes to Photoshop and other advertising tricks a lot of people are saying that if we can’t beat them, join them. And, surprising even myself, I think I agree. I use photo-editing software on my pictures for this site, in fact. But in my opinion it’s all a matter of scale. For instance, I crop and color-correct nearly every picture that I post (my camera sucketh mightily when it comes to lighting). I also have removed red eye, fuzzed out stranger’s faces and – my personal fave – erased crotch sweat off of Gym Buddies who forget what a betraying fabric cotton is which frankly is the modern equivalent of not letting your girlfriend leave the restroom with her skirt tucked into her tights. (And let me tell you, nothing makes you feel close to a person like spending 15 minutes zoomed in at 200% to her lady business.) However, I have never used it to change my body (nor anyone else’s) in any way – not even to remove a zit. That’s my line in the sand I guess. And I’ll be honest, that’s also my line of technical acuity. I’m not the world’s greatest photo-editor.
But there are plenty of people who don’t share my compunctions. Take, for instance, the trendy knock-off store H&M who recently admitted that they only use “completely virtual” bodies to model the clothes on their site. Don’t worry though, they paste a real girl’s head on there to help you know what that dress will look like on a real person. Unless they forget, like this time (images via Jezebel):
Granted, creating bodies out of whole cloth (pixels?) is pretty extreme. On the other end we have my sister’s Christmas card from a few years back. As soon as I got it in the mail, I had to call her immediately. “What did you do to your teeth??” I squealed. “They are so perfectly white! I’m jealous!!” There was an uncomfortable silence before she answered. “Are my teeth really the first thing you noticed about our family picture?” I hemmed, “Uh, yeah.” Her reply: “Oops.” It turns out she’d thought her teeth looked a little dingy and since this card was going out to all her friends and loved ones she figured she’s just digitally scrub them up a bit. A bit turned out to be a lot however, turning her adorable family pic into a toothpaste ad. We laugh about it now but since then I’ve seen a lot of holiday card pictures come through my mail from other folks that have obviously had a lot more than teeth whitening done to them.
How is a person able to decide what’s real and what’s not if even my neighbor’s dog has been digitally cute-ified? Science to the rescue! Reports The Economist, ”Professor Hany Farid, a computer scientist at Dartmouth College in New Hampshire, and his PhD student Eric Kee, have been investigating photo retouching. They have developed a mathematical expression to quantify ballooning bosoms and winnowed waists. Their paper, published today in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, describes how they use mathematical models along with subjective human responses to produce a score of how radically a person’s image has been modified from an original photograph.” So theoretically all images could now be labeled with a number telling where they fall on the reality scale, with Christmas cards on one end and H&M on the other. (Entertaining tidbit: Reader Meghan who sent me this tip added, “You know things are out of control when the Economist starts publishing articles about photoshopping…” So true Meghan!)
What’s your opinion on Photoshop and the like? Do you touch up your pics at all or do you prefer to stay au naturel? If such a “reality” scale number existed, do you think it would help to label photos with it? Anyone else kind of never want to shop at H&M again??
From Oscar-Seeking Stars to Empathetic Personal Trainers: What happens when people try to gain weight?
When super-fit personal trainer Drew Manning decided to “get fat” for six months and then lose the weight, chronicling his journey on his website Fit2Fat2Fit, his story shot into the media limelight faster than a starlet’s nip slip. Everyone, it seems, wants to know why Manning would voluntarily shed his rock-hard body – one he’d used to model in the past – and trade in his thin privilege for something most Americans are doing their darndest to get rid of? He explains,
“My goal is to inspire people to get fit, teach them how to do it and give them hope that it IS possible to get fit and stay fit. I want to share my comprehensive fitness knowledge with my followers so that they can know how to lose weight successfully, even though for many it’s going to be a struggle. People that are overweight have to overcome both physical and emotional barriers when it comes to losing weight. I hope to have a better understanding of this through my experience over the next year. Also, I hope to better gain an understanding of how hard it really is to be overweight. I know it’s only going to be for 6 months, but at least it’ll give me a small window of the physical and emotional issues that come with being overweight.”
This idea of a personal trainer gaining weight and then losing it to better understand his clients has been done before. A couple of years ago a trainer in Australia named Paul James did the same stunt with mostly positive results. But whether it’s a testament to the increased frenzy over weight over the past few years or that Manning is a more astute self-marketer than James, the response to Manning’s crusade has been immense.
I’ll admit to some ambivalence over watching him gain 70 pounds in 6 months – his favorite way was his “doughnut challenge” where he had to try to eat a dozen of his wife’s homemade doughnuts in one sitting without upchucking – as it struck me as frat boy at best and binge eating at worst. As a professed “gym addict” was it really a good idea to trade one compulsion for another? But he’s trying to be altruistic and I’m all about learned empathy and whatever. And honestly, how else is one supposed to gain that much weight in that short amount of time?
While his ride up the weight roller coaster was kind of painful to watch (albeit with moments of hilarity – when he discovers the joy of eating breakfast cereal right before bed it was like explaining Halloween to a toddler), his shot down the other side promises to be interesting. About two weeks ago he passed the 6-month mark thereby starting his return journey from “fat 2 fit” again. Even though he’s only been losing weight for two weeks (down 13 pounds so far!), he admits that it was harder than he’d anticipated. “Now I understand a little bit more of how hard and how real addictions are to foods,” he said. “It’s just like a drug. It really is.” The fact that his addiction is to Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal only endears him more to me. (Although if I had to pick the best cereal of all time mine would definitely be Barbara’s Peanut Butter Puffins…ah crunchy peanut-buttery pillows of corny goodness!)
The next few months will tell whether chugging protein shakes and exercising per the recommendations he gives his clients will get him back into his previous shape. Although if I were a betting girl, I’d say he’ll do it. I would think that the pressure from all the public scrutiny alone would be enough to keep a person on track, not to mention all the muscle memory he’s built up over the years.
So when Shape.com assigned me to do a slideshow on celebrities who gain weight for movie roles, my first thought was of Drew Manning. While their reasons are different – money, an Oscar, acclaim for their unholy devotion to method acting (what up, Christian Bale?) – their experiences are equally as interesting. For instance, while both Renee Zelwegger and Gwyneth Paltrow admitted to “panic attacks” when asked to gain weight for roles, Julia Roberts and Charlize Theron were very zen. But Hillary Swank gave me a whole knew perspective on our miraculous bodies and Russell Crowe cracked me up. (Eva Longoria might make you want to throw something though – just a head’s up.)
No matter what the motivation, I think it’s fascinating when people intentionally buck the societal standards. Although I will say that I’m glad it’s them and not me.
What’s your take on Manning’s adventure – unhealthy publicity stunt, well-meaning but misguided or awesome? Does it matter to you if your personal trainer/nutritionist has ever had to lose a large amount of weight? Do you think it’s crazy or admirable when an actor gains weight for a movie role? What’s your fave breakfast cereal??
From Drama Queens to Orchid Children: The gift and curse of being a Highly Sensitive Person
Um… what is a yob?? No seriously, I have no idea.
“Nooooo!” Jelly Bean shrieked, ripping her sock off for the twentieth time that morning. As I watched her carefully select another sock and pull it on – only to be frustrated yet again when the seam in the toe didn’t line up exactly how she likes it to – it brought up some powerful emotions in me. Where others may see a typical 2-year-old tantrum (and perhaps it is?), I saw myself reflected in her intense expression, tongue peeking out as she tried, again, to bend the sock to her will. A small thing becomes an enormous thing: The story of my life.
Have you ever paid attention to the toe seam in your sock? Some are flat, some are ridged, some make little puckers at the corners of the toe, some aren’t even a seam at all but just a color and a change in the direction of the weave. Confession: I very often change my clothes half a dozen times or more on any given day. I wish I were being hyperbolic. I am very particular. For instance, I own seven different white t-shirts – crew neck, scoop neck, cap sleeve, hip length, tight-fighting, loose… – because I can’t wear layers unless everything is perfectly lined up and flat. Part of this is vestigial eating disorder behavior (it’s very common for ED’d people to keep trying on outfits looking for the one that doesn’t make them “look fat”) but a lot of it is that if I have on a crew neck tee under a scoop neck sweater it will bother me all stinking day. (And yes, I realize I have just invited all my friends to ask my how many times I’ve changed my outfit that day every time they see me. I’ll save you the time: At least 3.)
I can’t remember the first time I realized that I feel things more strongly than most people. For as long as I can remember I have felt different – I have described it for years as “walking around with my skin on inside-out.” In 5th grade I was in the bathroom when a group of boys turned off the lights as a prank. While all the other girls giggled, I panicked. It’s not that I was afraid of the dark or even of the boys but rather that I deeply, intensely dislike surprises. By the time I made my way out of the bathroom I was shaking so hard I had to go to the nurse’s office – I felt like my teeth would rattle out of my head. It was a feeling I would grow to know very well.
In my teens I was known for being an angsty drama queen – not unusual for a teenage girl but I managed to take it to a high art. I can’t count how many times I heard, “Why are you making this such a big deal?!” By college I’d figured out that other people weren’t bothered as easily as I was and that I needed to tone it way down. So I learned how to channel my intense emotions into less annoying behaviors but there was a cost to keeping them inside, a cost to being socially acceptable. My feelings turned inward, I went through a horrible period of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), eating disorders, anxiety, depression and really bad relationships.
As an adult I’ve come to a happier medium, finding friends that I can emote to (Gym Buddy Allison, my sister and my husband put up with a lot) and activities (like exercise!) that take off some of the psychic pressure. (Yes, what you see now is me at like 50% volume.) And yet. I still can’t be in a restaurant with background music without wanting to crawl out of my skin. I can’t focus on what people are saying to me if there are lyrics in the background. I hear every word. I see every picture on the wall. I notice the pattern in the carpet. People think I’m being spacey because I can’t remember what they told me 30 seconds ago but it’s because I simply cannot tune any of the noise out.
It’s not just restaurants either. I hate fans because I can’t stand the feel of the wind on my skin – it makes me prickle and feel nauseous. I can’t be in a room with a flickering light. I can’t sleep if the DVD player is turned on even if the TV is off because I can hear the whirring. I keep the radio on nearly 24/7 because the noise blocks all the other noises I can’t tune out on my own. And people think I’m just being precious when I say that I can’t handle horror movies but the truth is that I have a deeply visceral reaction to violence and I won’t be able to shake it for days, years even. The hardest part for me has been realizing that often I love people way more than they can love me back.
I can’t not feel any of it. It’s overwhelming. And it’s exhausting.
All of which makes me sound like an incredible pill to be around. I don’t think that’s true (although real-life friends, feel free to disillusion me) because I’ve learned ways to mitigate it. I’m good at keeping most of my thoughts inside and often I’ll take my social cues from others around me. If I feel upset and they’re not then I try and talk myself down. I know how to escape (hint: crossword puzzles in my dimly lit bedroom, I’m such a nerd) and how to use yogic breathing when I can’t escape. This doesn’t always work and I’m betting most of my friends and family would run out of fingers to count on before they ran out of experiences to which I have overreacted but here’s the thing: it’s not all bad.
It turns out that there is a whole segment of the population – 15-20% according to one researcher – who have their skin inside out like I do. (And it’s thought to be hereditary which makes perfect sense if you’ve ever met my dad. I love you Dad!) As kids we’re called “spirited” or “orchid children” (a reference to how persnickety orchids are about their conditions but once you get it right no flower is more beautiful). As adults we’re called, simply, “highly sensitive people.” This sensitivity that can be such a curse (see: first 18 years of my life) can also be an incredible gift.
HSPs have “wonderful imaginations, are often very intelligent, creative, curious, and are known for being very hard workers, great organizers and problem solvers. They are known for being extremely conscientious and meticulous. HSP are blessed with being exceptionally intuitive, caring, compassionate and spiritual. They are also blessed with an incredible aesthetic awareness and appreciation for nature, music and the arts. There is also a strong correlation between the trait of high sensitivity and being “Gifted.” (They are also apparently blessed with a love of the superlative!)
I have to say it was a huge relief to learn that I wasn’t the only person who feels like this. My sister – who has a daughter that is a HSP – told me to go look up the information about it and as I read through the list of characteristics it was like someone had peered into my brain. (I love that they point out that being highly sensitive is not a disorder or an illness – it’s just a character trait that can be good and bad.) You can read the full list here but some of my personal faves:
“You feel compelled to file and organize things and thoughts, also enjoy simplicity and may become overwhelmed or even immobilized by chaos, clutter, or stress. ”
“You are very conscientious, hard working, and meticulous, but may become uncomfortable and less efficient or productive when being watched or scrutinized.”
“You are very uncomfortable when feeling things are getting out of your control.” (Control freak? Me??)
“ You may experience mood swings, sometimes occurring almost instantly and can also be affected by other people’s moods, emotions and problems. ” (Dear friends, I’m sorry.)
“You get a sense of comfort and well being when around a lake, river, stream, the ocean, or even a fountain. ” (But only if my kids aren’t around because then I’m too busy freaking out about them drowning.)
“You have a deep, rich, inner life, are very spiritual, and may also have vivid dreams.” (I’ve always had very vivid dreams.)
Other things include being very sensitive to pain (holla!), startles easily (I will pee), avoids violent tv and movies (like the plague!), and has a deep appreciation of nature, the arts and music (well, thank you).
Honestly I’m not sure what to make of all this. Am I anxious because I am an HSP? Or am I an HSP because I’m anxious? (Or is this just me being a hypochondriac?) And what am I to do next? Or is it enough to just know this about myself? I’ve already requested Dr. Elaine Aron’s The Highly Sensitive Person
Are any of you highly sensitive people too? Do you know anyone like this? Have any advice for me? Or does this finally convince you that I am completely nuts?? And can someone please tell me what a yob is so I know if I can use it in polite conversation?