The #1 Downside to Weight Lifting, Badly Illustrated (All I want for Christmas is laser hair removal)
This will be my next option. As I get older I’ll just call it Bride of Frankenstein.
Weight lifting builds bone density. Weight lifting increases strength and power. Weight lifting burns fat all day long. Weight lifting makes you look tougher than Chuck Norris at Comic Con. Oh sure, everyone always talks about the benefits of strength training but there is a dark side no one ever talks about. No, literally, a dark side. Namely, in my pits. Because I have very dark hair and very light skin, see. For those of you not similarly cursed (it’s not a bug, it’s a feature?), let me explain:
This is me in the shower after my workout. You will notice I am wearing a bathing suit for modesty. I do not wear a bathing suit in the shower at home but if I’ve learned anything from Ashton Kutcher it’s that I can’t have nudie pics of me floating around on the Internet or I’ll never get to inherit Demi Moore’s creepy doll collection, right? But my shower curtain really is transparent. Anyhow, here I am showering blissfully, trying to wash off all the germs from the gym. Well as blissfully as one can with a) the door ALWAYS open (Children have a strong aversion to shut doors – they assume candy is being consumed. They may not be wrong.) and b) a peanut gallery. Jelly Bean is obsessed with bathing and so she must stand and s-t-a-r-e at me the whole time I shower. Eh, you get used to it.
Jelly Bean is also obsessed with toileting. She sees the water streaming down my legs and assumes I have wet myself. Again, she may not be wrong. Notice that I have no hair. My hair is so fine that anytime it gets wet it pastes itself to my skull and I look exactly like Ralph Nader.
And Jelly Bean is also obsessed with soap (two-year-olds are obsessed with being obsessed). I have to hide all the soap from her or she’ll “wash haaaans” until it’s all gone. Now she thinks I’m peeing bubbles which would be a neat trick if I could pull it off.
She calls herself “Nay Nay” which I find utterly adorable… until I realize that she has taken her diaper off and made “pee bubbles” on the floor. Sigh. But I can’t get out and clean it up because I still have to shave all the real estate between my chin and my toes. (Aw heck sometimes I shave my toes too). I tell her to look away. Me shaving my pits is not a pretty site. First, this is what a normal person’s armpit looks like:
And this is what my CrossFit honed, P90X toned, Bodyrock zoned pits look like:
I might as well be trying to clear the Rocky Mountain national forest with a push mower.
No matter how I contort my arm and tug on my armpit skin, this is what inevitably happens:
The razor does some damage but still leaves me with Yellowstone 10 years after the fire. And always at least one realllly long rogue hair that defies any cutting method. Sometimes there’s blood. Eventually I call it good enough and give up. At this point I have two options: embrace my body for the hirsute loveliness it is or wear a smoking jacket to the gym.
You can guess which one I go with. I’m pretty sure all my fellow gym-goers are making a fund for my laser hair removal as we speak. (Note: any company that wants to give me free laser hair removal – I will blog the everloving heck out it! I’ll even draw really ugly pictures of you!!) And because I know you’re curious – here’s the unedited real deal:
You see what I’m up against?! Anyone else find an unexpected downside of their exercise routine? Any pit-shaving tricks to share with me?? What’s your shower routine like?
Acupuncture, Hypnosis, Running an 50-mile race: What would you try to lose weight??
This is a real book. The subtitle: “Naughty hypnosis to rocket your pulling power.” Egads, so many double entendres! My head might explode! It’s almost as if they can read my… Actually this has “unintended consequences” written ALL over it.
“If you could live longer as an obese person verses a thin person, how many years would have to be added to your life to make you choose obesity?” Gym Buddy Krista came up with this one-question survey for her final project for a graduate school course on overcoming weight bias. Go take her survey – take you 2 seconds! – and then come back here and tell me if you are surprised by the results. I sure was. But perhaps I shouldn’t have been. Unless you’re an alien invader (in which case, welcome, my kids have been expecting you) then you already know our society is weird about weight. You’re too fat. You’re too skinny. You’re never ever just right.
So it makes sense that in an effort to lose weight, people are willing to try almost anything. Some things like diet pills, diuretic teas, the latest cure-all book and tapeworms may make me cringe but at least I can understand them. Other things however, I don’t understand but I’m learning that some of these so-called alternative therapies work better than most people might think.
A couple of years ago, Gym Buddy Allison tried acupuncture for weight loss after the birth of her second baby. I’ll admit it, at first I thought it was nuts – they stuck her with needles attached to an electrical current for pity’s sake! – but… it worked. And it was way safer than a tapeworm. She was surprised. I was surprised. And it was all good! To read more of her story and see her before-and-after pics, check out my story on Shape.com “I Tried It: Acupuncture for weight loss.”
My next introduction to an unconventional approach to weight loss was through Reader Georgia who let me interview her for Shape.com about her experience using hypnosis for weight loss. Again, I was skeptical and again, it worked. In fact, it sounds a lot like Intuitive Eating, except kind of better! To read Georgia’s story check out my piece “I Tried It: Hypnosis for weight loss.”
And then I got to interview a bunch of die-hard runners about their favorite destination races – sports + exotic locale = yes, please! – and learned how one woman lost over 100 pounds training to run an Ultra 50-Mile race. Did I mention the race is a trail run that goes over one of Colorado’s tallest mountains? To check out this run plus some other goodies, go see my slideshow “10 Destination Races You Must Do Before You Die.”
If you need more motivation for your own training, the Gym Buddies and I took P90X founder Tony Horton to the gym with us. Courtesy of the new P90X iPhone app. Sure a tiny man in a phone leading a group of grown women through strange motions is a little weird but really it’s nothing after those last 3! Check out my review on Shape.
Also motivating: $50!! Which is what Inside Tracker is offering all GFE readers. They heard you when you said you wished you could try out their preventative health service but couldn’t afford the steep price tag and so they want to give you $50 off to help you out. Just use the code GFEXPB11256 at checkout!
Have you ever tried any alternative or non-conventional therapies? Were you as shocked as I was by Krista’s survey results?
Other articles I wrote this week:
The 8 Parenting Jobs I Wish I Could Outsource. Seriously, please someone save me.
It’s been an exciting week as Redbook’s Motherboard blog council launched “No Judgement Day” in an effort to get women to be kinder to each other. I kicked it off with a really long, heart-felt, reasonably well-written (in my estimation anyhow) essay about all the times other moms could have judged me but didn’t. And they made me cut it down to 500 measly words. Boo. Perhaps I’ll post the whole version here later. At any rate, still fun: End Mom Guilt Now! Plus, check out all the other “Don’t Judge Me…” essays on there.
The Great Mom Debate: Acupuncture for Autism? Would you let your kids try an alternative therapy?
Why My Kids Will Never Love the Muppets as Much as I Do. Muppet Treasure Island remains to this day one of my 5 most fave movies ever. Yeah, I said it.
The debate over the Thanksgiving prayer: do you or don’t you?
Co-Sleeping and Babies with Meat Cleavers – probably the worst parenting ad I have ever seen. (You’ve gotta see the pic on this one.)
Anti-Bullying Week: The Conversation You Need to Have With Your Kids
Why am I Gaining Weight?
Hi,
I am a 30-year old woman, 5’2″ tall, weighing 125 pounds. I have been happy with this weight, but recently I have been gaining. I walk about 12,000 steps at work every day in addition to walking on my treadmill for 45 minutes 5 days a week at a 3.8mph pace. I eat about 1900 calories a day. Can you tell me why I’m gaining weight? Valerie L.
Hi Valerie!
I can’t tell you exactly why you are gaining weight but I can tell you there are just about 3 possibilities:
One is that you are eating more than you realize. This can happen easily around the holidays when there are festive treats everywhere. We tend to “just take one” or mindlessly munch off a plate of cookies in the break room. Some indulge a bit too much at holiday dinners and never lose the pound they add on here and there. You might consider keeping a strict food diary to find out exactly how much you are really eating.
Second is that you may be exercising less. This can happen when our schedules get busier (again, not uncommon around the holidays). Perhaps a day is skipped here or there because of holiday events or shopping days, or even from being exhausted after all the parties and shopping! Start keeping notes of the days you are actually exercising, and think about the chance that you could be walking less at work for some reason. It could even be that you’ve changed something at home–stopped walking a dog, moved to a one-story house–or another change that did not seem significant.
Finally, there is a chance you have an underactive thyroid. As many as 10 percent of women have some compromise in their thyroid function. This can slow your metabolism and cause weight gain. The diagnosis can be made with a simple blood test (and usually some other testing to confirm) and the treatment can be a simple daily pill.
If you’ve determined there is no change in either the calories you take in, or the calories you burn over the past several weeks, take a trip to your family physician to find out if something physical is going on.
Laurie
Help! I’m stuck at this weight.
Hi, I’m hoping you can help me because I’ve tried everything and I just can’t lose weight! I am a 32-year old mother of two, 5’2″ tall and 130 pounds. I’ve tried low-calorie diets but stopped because I was told I was not eating enough; exercising 30 minutes a day and increased to 60 minutes because of no results; I switched to a more active job, and gave up drinking soda. I’ve tried all of this for months and have not lost a pound! What is going on? The really odd thing is that I can eat huge amounts of chocolate, soda, steak, etc and won’t gain any weight. So really my weight is very “stuck”. I can’t gain it, I can’t lose it.I would really appreciate any advice you can give me because I really have no idea what to do at this point. Even my family and friends are amazed I haven’t lost a pound after witnessing all my hard work.
Jen S.
Dear Jen,
I know how frustrating this can be!
I wonder for how long, and how consistently, you’ve stuck with any of these low-calorie diets or hour daily work-outs? If you eat less and exercise consistently (especially for an hour, 5 days a week) for a whole month with no exceptions, you will probably see results. I would suggest you try this for 30 days, while keeping a food diary.
You see, people tend to remember their hard work, and brush off an occasional slip or treat. So we end up focusing on all the working out and all the smart lunches, but ignoring the cookies someone brought in to work, the dessert for the special occasion, the 3 days we didn’t feel like working out last week, and the quart of ice cream we had to have due to cravings.
Since you know you can have huge amounts of chocolate, soda, and steak, I assume you have been doing this! You won’t notice weight gain from eating 1000 calories more or less over a few days, but adding those calories in to your diet will certainly negate any results you’ve had!
Because of your small size you can’t expect to lose more than about 1/2 pound a week, even with a reasonable (1200-1500) calorie restriction and daily exercise.
So here’s my suggestion: Try again for 30 days in a row (note any exceptions in your food journal as they are bound to occur!) to eat a reasonably low calorie level, exercise an hour a day (as often as possible) and see if you don’t get 2 pounds off. I know it’s slow-going, but in the mean time you’ll be developing great eating and exercise habits, and when you stick with those, the rest of the weight will come off too!
Keep in touch to let me know how it goes 
From Oscar-Seeking Stars to Empathetic Personal Trainers: What happens when people try to gain weight?
When super-fit personal trainer Drew Manning decided to “get fat” for six months and then lose the weight, chronicling his journey on his website Fit2Fat2Fit, his story shot into the media limelight faster than a starlet’s nip slip. Everyone, it seems, wants to know why Manning would voluntarily shed his rock-hard body – one he’d used to model in the past – and trade in his thin privilege for something most Americans are doing their darndest to get rid of? He explains,
“My goal is to inspire people to get fit, teach them how to do it and give them hope that it IS possible to get fit and stay fit. I want to share my comprehensive fitness knowledge with my followers so that they can know how to lose weight successfully, even though for many it’s going to be a struggle. People that are overweight have to overcome both physical and emotional barriers when it comes to losing weight. I hope to have a better understanding of this through my experience over the next year. Also, I hope to better gain an understanding of how hard it really is to be overweight. I know it’s only going to be for 6 months, but at least it’ll give me a small window of the physical and emotional issues that come with being overweight.”
This idea of a personal trainer gaining weight and then losing it to better understand his clients has been done before. A couple of years ago a trainer in Australia named Paul James did the same stunt with mostly positive results. But whether it’s a testament to the increased frenzy over weight over the past few years or that Manning is a more astute self-marketer than James, the response to Manning’s crusade has been immense.
I’ll admit to some ambivalence over watching him gain 70 pounds in 6 months – his favorite way was his “doughnut challenge” where he had to try to eat a dozen of his wife’s homemade doughnuts in one sitting without upchucking – as it struck me as frat boy at best and binge eating at worst. As a professed “gym addict” was it really a good idea to trade one compulsion for another? But he’s trying to be altruistic and I’m all about learned empathy and whatever. And honestly, how else is one supposed to gain that much weight in that short amount of time?
While his ride up the weight roller coaster was kind of painful to watch (albeit with moments of hilarity – when he discovers the joy of eating breakfast cereal right before bed it was like explaining Halloween to a toddler), his shot down the other side promises to be interesting. About two weeks ago he passed the 6-month mark thereby starting his return journey from “fat 2 fit” again. Even though he’s only been losing weight for two weeks (down 13 pounds so far!), he admits that it was harder than he’d anticipated. “Now I understand a little bit more of how hard and how real addictions are to foods,” he said. “It’s just like a drug. It really is.” The fact that his addiction is to Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal only endears him more to me. (Although if I had to pick the best cereal of all time mine would definitely be Barbara’s Peanut Butter Puffins…ah crunchy peanut-buttery pillows of corny goodness!)
The next few months will tell whether chugging protein shakes and exercising per the recommendations he gives his clients will get him back into his previous shape. Although if I were a betting girl, I’d say he’ll do it. I would think that the pressure from all the public scrutiny alone would be enough to keep a person on track, not to mention all the muscle memory he’s built up over the years.
So when Shape.com assigned me to do a slideshow on celebrities who gain weight for movie roles, my first thought was of Drew Manning. While their reasons are different – money, an Oscar, acclaim for their unholy devotion to method acting (what up, Christian Bale?) – their experiences are equally as interesting. For instance, while both Renee Zelwegger and Gwyneth Paltrow admitted to “panic attacks” when asked to gain weight for roles, Julia Roberts and Charlize Theron were very zen. But Hillary Swank gave me a whole knew perspective on our miraculous bodies and Russell Crowe cracked me up. (Eva Longoria might make you want to throw something though – just a head’s up.)
No matter what the motivation, I think it’s fascinating when people intentionally buck the societal standards. Although I will say that I’m glad it’s them and not me.
What’s your take on Manning’s adventure – unhealthy publicity stunt, well-meaning but misguided or awesome? Does it matter to you if your personal trainer/nutritionist has ever had to lose a large amount of weight? Do you think it’s crazy or admirable when an actor gains weight for a movie role? What’s your fave breakfast cereal??
Apple Cider Vinegar: Acne, Weight Loss, Dandruff Plus Other Uses
What is apple cider vinegar?
Apple cider vinegar is produced by allowing the bacteria and yeast to break down the sugar in apple cider and turn it into alcohol and then into vinegar. Apple cider vinegar contains acetic, lactic, citric, and malic acids.
Apple cider vinegar has a light yellow-brown color and is usually unfiltered and unpasteurized. Health benefits of apple cider vinegar include lowering blood glucose levels. When consumed with meals, apple cider vinegars lowers the glycemic index of foods and in this way assists weight loss. I found that it tastes less acrid when mixed with little apple juice. The usual recommendation is to take 1 tablespoon diluted in a glass of water before meals, but if you are prone to heartburn avoid taking the apple cider vinegar on empty stomach. It’s fine to take it with meals. I also found that when I take apple cider vinegar regularly, I feel less prone to hunger attacks or cravings for chocolate.
Apple cider vinegar and acne
Apple cider vinegar is a very useful skin tonic. When used in skin preparations, apple cider vinegar lowers skin’s pH. As a result, many unfriendly bacteria, including acne bacteria, are destroyed. As a mild natural acid, apple cider vinegar also helps clarify the skin, dissolve and rinse off dead skin cells, and cleanse the pores. For more natural treatments for acne, visit Petite Marie Organics Acne Skincare page.
Apple cider vinegar also makes a great poultice for acne. Do not use it undiluted as you may suffer severe skin irritation and even a scar! Instead, dilute the vinegar 2:1 with water or an herbal tea and saturate a cotton pad, then apply to the blemish and leave overnight if possible.
Apple cider vinegar for hair
Apple cider vinegar is also a valuable help for dandruff. If you suffer from dandruff, apply some diluted (2:1) apple cider vinegar to your scalp, wrap your head in a towel and relax for 10-15 minutes, then rinse it off. If you suffer from dry flaking scalp, keep the spray bottle of diluted apple cider vinegar in your bathroom to rinse or splash your hair after shampooing. Apple cider vinegar also makes your hair grow faster because it stimulates the circulation in the scalp.
For more great home beauty recipes, check out my book GREEN BEAUTY RECIPES: How to Make Organic and Natural Skincare, Hair Care and Body Care Products at Home
Stupid Things Celebrities Say About Their Weight
Another day, another inane celebrity quote – in a world Charlie Sheen isn’t even considered shocking anymore, why bother with the cobwebs that decorate pretty, vacant minds? Well for one thing, they’re not vacant. I think for the most part celebrities are not stupid. Sure they do dumb things sometimes (don’t we all?) but save for a few who have fried themselves into lunacy the majority know exactly what they’re doing. Second, the argument has been made that what celebrities model, the rest of us follow and to some extent this is true – they’re not called “trendsetters” for their ability to raise hunting dogs – but I would also argue that celebs, especially the young vocal ones who haven’t yet learned that everything they say can and will be used against them in the court of public opinion, are only repeating what they’ve been told so often… by us. A vicious cycle of laxative-purged emotions.
This past week I came across a large number of weight quotes attributed to various starlets that I feel need debunking – both for their sake and for ours.
1. Jennifer Hudson in People: “I’m prouder of my weight loss than my Oscar!”
Dear Jennifer, stop the train. What are you thinking?! Will you still have your Oscar to show your great-grandkids and tell them about all the awesome dressing room pranks you played on Beyonce? Yes. Will you still have your hot, young bod to show them and tell those kiddies all about… your daily points allowance from Weight Watchers? Gosh I hope not. You were beautiful and talented before you lost weight and you’re beautiful and talented now but the talented part is way more important than your ability to conform to an ideal where, as you put it yourself, “in Hollywood everyone looks the same.”
2. Bethenny Frankel in Life & Style: ’I’m too thin, because I’m so busy I’m not always hungry, I have to make myself eat more because of my busy schedule.”
Dear Bethenney, I like you. Even when I didn’t want to like you – I like to be counter-culture like that, yo – I read your books and I really liked you. I also get where you’re coming from. When I get really involved in a project I don’t want to take time out to eat either. But here’s the thing: your business is called Skinnygirl. You’ve made your fortune off of ostensibly telling other women how to get skinny like you without doing stupid things. And yet you did (and do?) a lot of stupid things to get the bod that sold the brand. I’m glad you are no longer starving yourself and using laxatives (that would be anorexia and bulimia for those of us that are not famous) but I’m concerned that you’ve embraced the “skinny at all costs” mindset, like you think your livelihood depends on your ability to control your weight. But I’m here to tell you that we’ll like you just as much (and maybe more?) if you take better care of yourself, honey.
3. Jessica Alba in People (August 15, 2011): (of her sweet pregnant belly) “There’s no hiding the bump. [...] They don’t make clothes for women with giant beer guts.”
Dear Jessica, if you cannot tell the difference between a beer gut and a baby then you have drunk too many of the former and have no business carrying the latter. But seriously, stop it. I know it’s super trendy right now to say “I went all 9 months and all I had to do was ride my jeans a little lower!” but maternity clothes exist for a reason and I think they’re pretty darn cute these days. You don’t have to love being pregnant – heaven knows I didn’t – but be proud of your beautiful bump. How many other people can say they grew ears today?
4. Mila Kunis in Britain’s Glamour: “‘I’m a huge foodie, I love food. But when people say, “I can’t lose weight”, no no no, you can. Your body can do everything and anything, you just have to want to do it.” (Thanks to Hangry Hippo for the tip!)
Dear Mila, I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, kudos to you for celebrating the infinite possibilities that lie within people. Too often we forget what miracles we really are and I love that you know this. On the other hand, do you have to pick losing 20 pounds for Black Swan (in an admittedly unhealthy way) to be the sterling example of the amazing things your body can do? You (and Natalie Portman) were teeny tiny to begin with and losing that weight made us all worry about you. (I know, I know serious actress, Oscar, Christian Bale and all that. I read the interviews.) Do you know that losing too much weight will actually inhibit your body from doing all the amazing things it is built to do? Also, telling people that they “just have to want to do it” isn’t super helpful when it comes to weight loss. But then maybe it would be if we were getting paid millions of dollars and incredible fame to do it? Not to mention that losing 20 pounds for a movie role is a whole different ballgame than losing a substantial portion of your body weight for the rest of your life.
What’s your take – are these celebs just being honest and keeping it real or do you get as annoyed as I do by the steady stream of body nonsense? Which celeb do you wish you could shake some sense into?
How Do You Talk To Someone About Their Weight? (Advice, please!)
Times sure have changed, huh?
Awkward: “Wow, you’ve sure lost a lot of weight!” Worse: “You’ve gained a few – you know the freshman 15 doesn’t count after college, right?!” Worse-r: “You’re too skinny, eat a sandwich!” Worst: “You used to be so pretty; aren’t you worried about your health at all?” (The last one is the worst because it can be said for everything from morbid obesity to anorexia and every weight in between. For some reason “health” is the ultimate trump card in all weight conversations.)
I hate talking about weight – mine, yours, anyone’s – because I never know what to say. And because I’m so uncomfortable I usually say something really lame or stupid. (“Oh HAI! U look different! U can has no more cheeseburgers?!1!”) Maybe it’s just a reflection of my issues or maybe it’s endemic to society as a whole but I’d rather talk about Amy Winehouse’s death than discuss how many pounds you’re down this week. It’s not because I don’t care or because I’m not proud of all your hard work; the truth is I care (too) deeply and my first instinct is to grill you about all the details because if you lost weight then that means I need to too, obviously.
Yes, I know my brain is as ridiculous as Charlie Sheen’s new Anger Management show. (True story: Our car broke down once in nowhereville and the guy who picked us up spent the whole ride to the tow shop telling us about how he was on his way to anger management classes for “throwing a taco” at his girlfriend. He’d even made a poster about it and everything. If that doesn’t inspire confidence in someone’s rescuing skills, I don’t know what does! Sure he might have violently killed me but at least the police would have had a puff-painted poster diagram as evidence.)
I recently had a friend lose a lot of weight and she looks fantastic. She really does. And there’s no denying that losing a lot of weight takes a lot of discipline and hard work. Plus she’s all happy and glow-y and it’s so awesome to see her so happy. And yet I worried all day before I saw her next because I knew I should say something about her weight loss but I didn’t know what and I just knew I was going to stick my foot in my mouth. It seems like everything we say about weight has a subtext:
- “You’ve sure lost a ton of weight! You look gorgeous!” also means “You weren’t pretty before and thinner=gorgeous-er so keep going!”
- “Look at you! You sure have worked hard to lose all that weight!” can also mean “Glad you got past that fat, lazy slob phase!”
- “ZOMG! You look AMAZING! You’re so THIN now! Wow! I’m so JEALOUS!!” also means “Don’t ever gain weight again because you’ll lose all this love and respect and kindness that people are heaping on you. FEAR the CARBS! Muwhahahah!”
Me overthink things? Never! Usually I end up saying something loony and nonsensical like, “Wow, you look beautiful! Not that you didn’t look beautiful before because I always thought you were beautiful but now you look so happy and confident, not that you couldn’t be happy and confident when you weighed more but ANYHOW yeah, awesomesauce!” Then I have to grit my teeth to keep from asking them for tips.
And then there’s the reverse. If you think talking about weight loss is awkward, talking about weight gain ranks right up there with those vagina-hand-puppet commercials (you have seen those, right?!) for uncomfortable. A recent study published in The American Journal of Preventative Medicine says that even doctors avoid talking about weight gain, especially when it’s a lady doctor talking to a fellow lady-bit possessor (no puppets or funny accents allowed but weird euphemisms are totally cool).
I recently had a close friend ask me, very earnestly, how to talk to his spouse about her obesity. “I just want her to be healthy and happy! I don’t want her to have a heart attack or get diabetes or die young! How do I tell her she needs to lose weight?” he plead.
“You don’t,” I answered bluntly. I could tell he really did care about her and had good intentions. I also knew that his wife did happen to have some medical complications due to her weight (she is pre-diabetic and her movement is functionally limited) so his health concern wasn’t superficial. He thought she was attractive, he loved her and he wasn’t derogatory to her in any way that I’ve ever seen. And yet I still couldn’t think of any way that conversation could happen that would get the desired result.
He didn’t take my advice, a fact I discovered a few days later when she called me sobbing… to ask what diet pills I’d recommend. Egads.
And we won’t even start with all the snarky, backbiting or back-handed comments people make when talking about someone else’s weight: “She’ll gain it all back, just give her 6 months.” “She’s totally anorexic now.” “He’s so lazy – if he just counted his calories and exercised he could drop the weight.” I get shaky just thinking about it.
Seriously, please help me out with this one! Anyone else freak out talking about weight? What do you say to people when they’ve lost a lot of weight? Have you ever told anyone they’ve gained weight/need to lose weight? Does the person’s gender change how you talk to them? Anyone else afraid that they’ll come out with man-business sock puppets next?!
How to Help A Child Lose Weight [Help a reader out!]
Courtesy of the State of Georgia’s new childhood obesity campaign
Three hours of hysterical sobbing, a whole box of kleenex thrown and self-inflicted eye poking (yes, really) is what my third grader did when I assigned him a second sheet of math problems after he lied to me about having homework so he could go play with a friend after school. I am well aware that kids often do not do what we want them to. But then if parenting was meant to be easy they would’ve given us the user manual in the hospital. Instead we do everything we can to help them grow up to be decent human beings, half the time wondering if this is all a cosmic joke and somewhere God is chuckling while my children publicly humiliate me. (Truly, you need to click through that link.) Which is why a recent comment by Reader Emma on my Selling Weight Loss to Children post made me want to fly across the country to hug her (and also giggle – read her last paragraph). She writes,
So my daughter is in the “at risk for overweight” category, and at 13 is approaching my weight and wearing my clothes, even though I’m almost 6 inches taller. She recently gave me some clothes she grew out of! Her doctor has said to “keep an eye on it.” For 3 years we have “watched” and talked and talked while she continues to gain. Even though this category does not pose a health risk (and even may be somewhat healthier according to some of Char’s favorite studies) charlotte’s note: I think she means this, SHE wants to lose weight so she feels more confident, so she can stand out for being exceptional, not for being chubby. So HOW do I handle it when it’s not a health concern, but a cultural and self-esteem concern? When it is completely and only about looks and confidence? She eats healthy like we do, she moves, she just eats too MUCH. We talk a lot about this issue and about portion sizes. However, I am slowly beginning to accept that even though she is just a child, I can control what I provide to go in her mouth, and to some extent how much, but at the end of the day she is not me and is in charge of her own body.
I hate dealing with this! Someone give me a not creepy book recommendation on how to talk to girls about body issues and losing weight. At what point do we get more controlling and how? She is getting frustrated and discouraged, and I am ill equipped to deal with it anymore. We have obviously not helped her in the past 3 years doing our best, and need to up our game.
I don’t have teenagers. I haven’t been a teenager in…late-night-math-is-hard…13 years. I also don’t have kids that are overweight (not through any genius parenting on my part, for the record – they got Gym Hubby’s hummingbird metabolism). So I’m probably the last person to give advice on this and yet I hear about this issue a lot – from other parents, from the kids themselves in my role as a teacher, from the media – so I’m going to try. And I hope that you will do me better in the comments!
What NOT To Do To Help Your Child Lose Weight (All of which Emma already doesn’t do, I am quite sure – I just feel the need to restate it.)
1. Don’t publicly shame them. Georgia – the state with the 2nd highest rate of childhood obesity – recently launched this campaign. (See above pic.) These poor kids. It’s like being the “Valtrex guy” except worse because I think most people would rather have a life-long sexually transmitted infection than be obese. A popular radio show host was discussing this a few mornings ago and said something tantamount to, “If they stole someone’s bike of course you’d shame them! You want them to feel bad! That’s how people change. Same thing with fat kids. You gotta call them on the carpet.” Not only is that mean but it’s not effective. Sure people can be shamed into losing weight… in the short term. And possibly end up hating you or themselves and/or getting an eating disorder. Which leads to point #2:
2. Tell them they’re “bad.” Fat is not a morality issue. Eating fast food may be a bad choice but it’s not a sin. Gaining weight may not generally be healthy but it’s not evil. Being overweight does not make someone lazy, dirty, dishonest or even necessarily unhealthy. Especially with children we need to teach them that they are wonderful miraculous beings no matter what they look like. Period.
3. Talk about fat all the time. Whether you’re critiquing your own thighs in front of your kids or laughing at a celebrity with red circles around her cellulite on a magazine cover, you’re sending a message that people’s bodies are open for commentary.
4. Buy them Skecher’s Shape-Up shoes. You know those wobbly shoes that are so aggressively marketed to women, telling us that by being chronically off-balance we’ll have trimmer thighs and bouncier butts? (It’s scientifically not true but even if it were, all of us who’ve been wobbling around in high heels all our lives would have magnificent legs.)
Well now those shoes come in kid sizes - “preschool and grade school” sizes, to be precise. (Thanks to Turbo Jennie for the tip.) First, those things are $75.00! Who buys their kid $75.00 shoes? (Don’t answer that.) Second, the TV spot shows dysmorphic cartoon girls being chased by this:
Yes, boys dressed up like junk food. If that doesn’t send a thousand mixed moral messages, I don’t know what does.
5. Don’t ban treats. There’s a place for everything and as most of us know, telling someone they can never eat another Caramello bar will only drive them straight into its gooey chocolately arms for a farewell deep throat kiss.
What TO Do To Help Your Child Lose Weight
As Emma pointed out, the issue is not so simple. In fact, if you’ve ever been “the fat kid”, you know how painful this situation can be. So here are a few things to try.
1. Set a good example. This one seems like a “duh” but grown-ups are just as susceptible (maybe more so?) to the siren call of sweets as kids. Children are not dumb, they see what we do and they hear what we say and the former means much more than the latter. So make healthy eating taste good and make exercise look like fun and not like a chore - - it can be done! Take them shopping with you, let them help cook, make family time active time.
2. Manage their environment. Sure you can’t remove all temptation and kids will figure out how to go around you if they’re really motivated but often kids will eat something just because it’s there. They’re bored, Little Debbie is on the shelf at their eye level so they eat it. Keep clean food in your house and make treats special. This will likely require getting everyone in the house on board. I’ve heard people say, “Well my other kids aren’t overweight so why should they follow the same diet?” Because it shouldn’t be a diet, it should be healthy food and we should all eat food that helps our bodies and minds work at their best whether or not we need to lose weight. Move the fruit bowl off the counter and to the center of the table.
3. Point out the positives. Be their best cheerleader when they run that first mile or eat the first healthy meal they attempt to cook. Praise them for every effort. (No need to go over the top though. Teens can smell a pity compliment a mile away.)
4. Take them to the doctor. Ask to get their metabolism checked out. Most kids won’t have a metabolic issue but it’s worth it to see if hypothyroidism or diabetes or even depression is complicating issues.
5. Ask them questions. Kids are often afraid of things that we adults don’t expect them to be afraid of – what looks like ambivalence or defiance is often fear. So ask your child what they’re worried about and then really listen. Perhaps they’re afraid of being made fun of in gym class so they don’t even try. Or maybe they’re terrified of the pool. Are they being picked on at school? Do they understand what foods are healthy?
6. Within reason, let them make their own choices. Eventually we realize that our kids are their own people and they will make their own mistakes so they can learn and grow from them. Even if it kills us to watch them do it.
I don’t know if I’ve helped Emma out at all – through several e-mail conversations I’ve come to conclude that she’s light years ahead of me in the mothering department – but maybe this will help generate some good discussion and you guys will come up with some good ideas (or just support!) in the comments!
Do you have any suggestions? What do you think of the Georgia ads? What about Skechers for freaking toddlers??
New Research: Late Night Eating Leads to Weight Gain [But no one knows why]
Google “funny sleeping baby” – it will make your whole day, I promise!
People have been talking about it for decades but it officially became A Thing when Oprah declared (Dear Oprah, I miss you already!) on her show that for her Best Life Diet she was no longer eating after 8 p.m. I scoffed. “Doesn’t she know that a calorie is a calorie no matter what time of day you eat it?” It turns out that Oprah was right and I was wrong. (She was also right about white jeans making a comeback.) As I got older and little deeper into this whole weight management thing – two rounds of eating disorder therapy plus a year with Geneen Roth yammering in your head will really make you examine every facet of your eating habits – I realized that what Oprah had said holds true for me too. (Still not buying any white jeans though.)
When I eat after dinner, I tend to gain weight. When I don’t, my weight is stable. I also discovered that I sleep better on an empty stomach – a big meal right before bed makes me restless, have heartburn and really whacked out dreams. Especially if that meal involved a lot of sugar. Although, not gonna lie, the crazy dreams can sometimes be pretty awesome. (There was this one where Oprah called and offered the Gym Buddies and I our own show. Strangely the part I was most excited about was that I got purple hair extensions.)
I always thought that this was because as I got more tired, I craved sugar and simple carbs to keep me awake. Plus the more tired I am the less inhibited I am and the more likely I am to make poor food choices. Half a pan of Rice Krispie bars once disappeared between 10 and 11 p.m. My kids have an ongoing investigation into who took their lunch treats but considering I was the only other person in the house that evening… If I stand at the counter and only cut off paper-thin slices that doesn’t count as “eating”, right?
New research published in the journal Obesity backs up Oprah saying that people who eat after 8 p.m. have higher BMIs than people who don’t, even when controlling for factors like “night owls” vs. “morning larks”, gender, intake of fruits and vegetables, sleep timing and sleep duration. In their words: “These findings indicate that caloric intake after 8:00 PM may increase the risk of obesity, independent of sleep timing and duration. Future studies should investigate the biological and social mechanisms linking timing of sleep and feeding in order to develop novel time-based interventions for weight management.”
Besides feeling like a zoo animal – “biological and social mechanisms linking timing of sleep and feeding in order to develop novel time-based interventions”, how many times do I have to press the level before I get bananas instead of electric shocks mommy? – this study surprised me just for the fact that the researchers basically admit they don’t know why this happens, only that it does. Perhaps there is some metabolic mechanism that alters digestion after the sun sets? The study was only 52 people but it certainly jives with my experience that weight loss is way more complicated than the calories in/calories out hypothesis.
My ideal bedtime is 10 pm at the latest (Danger Will Robinson, the time is now 9:46 p.m.) but I’m rarely in bed by then. I’ve noticed, however, that the nights I do hit the horizontal by 10, I don’t feel hungry but if I stay up even an extra hour I’m suddenly ravenous. Of course there are multitudinous other benefits to going to bed early besides weight management but I find this one fascinating. But why does it work this way? WHY??
Bonus – shortest mini-Experiment ever: So I recently read an article about the benefits of sleeping on hard surfaces and it convinced me to try it out. I often nap on the floor (I just lay where I fall , folks) so I didn’t think it would be hard to sleep a whole night there. It was awful. I’m a side sleeper and my hips soon were in so much pain that I penitently crawled back into my big squishy modern spine-wrenching bed. It felt AWESOME. I was never meant to be a cave girl. (Although I did run my Tabata sprint on Wednesday in my socks! Didn’t want to go totally barefoot – you never know what germies are on the treadmills!)
What have you noticed about your sleep habits vs. your hunger? Do you have a theory about why, even after controlling for other factors, people that eat after 8 pm gain weight? Have you ever slept on the ground? Will you wear white jeans??
Baby cheeks are the best!!